losing

finally.

i lost him as a good friend.

despite all the effort and sacrifice.

i should have known it right from the start.

break

dinner break now.

for the first time since i started doing float i didnt go for dinner (yes yes i became v guai and never skip meal except for breakfasts XD). dun feel like eating =,=

did quite some engineering work for the past week. cutting wood, drilling, screwing. must admit that its really tiring. physically tiring. tools are heavy, not easy to control, and there is saw dust everywhere. so suffered from muscle ache and was totally shagged, dun want to move any of my body parts. but now much better le =)

quite proud of myself. i learnt the tools!

and learnt to use sewing machine also, successfully sew a small bag for static display. also it took like 10 years of time haha.

so i guess i'm really the one who tried every department's expertise? lol

===

now still not that convenient to post photos of our float. guess i will spam here with loads of photos after rag day. oh after i make up for my deprived sleep. but hmm i think i won't have the patience to wait for the slow uploading speed bcos there are sooooooo many pics so give up halfway. then drag drag till very late. lol hahaha

我又来了。

在凌晨4点55分，大睁着双眼坐在电脑前等头发干 =.=

===

好累。

complex mood

feel myself getting weirder.

and weirder and weirder and weirder and weirder.

happy + not happly + sad + not sad + irritated + encouraged + feel i am at fault + feel other ppl are at fault + selfish + considerate (or trying to be)

come to think of it, perhaps the problem is that i pretend too much.

tired. and sometimes painful. and lonely.

i pretend in order to make other ppl happier. that's the only reason that can hold me on.

====

moved room from C318 to G511 in one shot yesterday.
Done it in 2 hours!!! with help from engseng, wuhong and qiaojie. thx guys!!!! we and shin will treat u all~ lol

organizing all the boxes and stuff plus clearing the bed so that we can slp took another 1 and a half hours. slept at 4+am. again.

i repeat:

1. KE7 is an excellent place to keep one fit (crazy vertical marathon everyday);

2. its sooooooooooooooooooo cool to walk with two FREE hands.

===

saw some good discriptions in tianya.

我们不会成为敌人，因为彼此深爱过。
我们不会成为朋友，因为彼此伤害过。
所以，我们只能是最熟悉的陌生人。

major brain + body dysfunctioning

Congrats to myself! since dunno when, i find myself sleep earliest at 3am, while still need to get up b4 9:30am.

last nite was 5am. now today it looks like 4am.

full time floater~ really FULL-TIME. i anticipate the day when we burn 24/7.


and i cant run away from the fact that i need to move room at the same time when i am floating.

conclusion i draw:

1. KE7 is an excellent place to keep one fit (crazy vertical marathon everyday);

2. its sooooooooooooooooooo cool to walk with two FREE hands.

========

somehow happier today. perhaps because of the starbucks latte this afternoon. but still having a not-so-correct feeling.

its scary to realise that i'm doubting ourselves. right from the start.

are we doing the right thing?????? are we still on the track?

=========

freshies started to check in. hall is getting more and more re4 nao4.

which actually makes me happy, cos i like the way that there are happy people around most of the time.

i was a bit high tonite (or last nite?) when there were many freshies in comm hall, trying to help out with float dance. they look good =)

but erm, dunno why, sometimes suddenly feel, this is no longer the place i'm familiar with... no longer belong to me?
and... pi2 bei4. tired. when the happy and happening atmosphere lasts for too long.

i think i'm really really tired. every part of the body. paralysed. sweaty. panting. shivering. dizzy.

很累。很累。很累很累很累……

shitty, and getting shittier.

四周弥漫着不愉快的空气。

有些人就是有本事把你的小宇宙蹭地一下点燃起来。

我们提倡用脑和心去思考，而不是脊椎。

心直口快并不是缺点，好为人师和随便shoot人就是尊重与不尊重的问题了。

要快乐，要开朗，要坚韧，要温暖。 　　

要温暖。

这和性格无关。

kane的tag line很罕见的生气粗暴。月婷的也很罕见的沮丧。明恩的也是。妙宝的一如既往。

seng老板郁闷着，而且生了病。歆以及整个design team都处在随时要爆的边缘。

这是怎么了？？？？？

想喊，想打人，想吵，想翻桌，想回家。

啊！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！ 啊！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！ 啊！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

ice cream

ate a mint choco ice cream with bread on the way back from tuition. so nice~

life is good.

===

不知道怎么回事，最近总是想到某人。
做着东西的时候确实比较好过。专心不乱。但一歇下来我就歇了。做什么也想到，去哪里也想到，看什么电影也想到，吃什么steamboat也想到。好巧不巧又碰到NDP rehearsal. Sigh.
总不能一直不停做工到死吧？=S

可能因为六、七月我们之间有意义的日子比较多。还是只是我认为有意义=.=

稀里糊涂想了很多东西，写出来又将是长篇大论。应该不值得那个篇幅吧。无非是一些自傲跟自卑的混合物。
确实还需要一些日子。

===

传言淡下去了。挺好。
其实不应该被大家发现的。考试前在study room一起读书太明显了吧。
挺后悔的。那时‘就这样了’还不久，学业又一直很stressed着，没能控制住想找个肩膀的心思吧。

“我们只是很自私很贪心地想寻找一点安慰。虽然毫无恶意，但在那一刻的冲动，我们都无法控制心里的空虚寂寞伤心难过，……而我们在拥抱的时候，无意中狠心地践踏了对方的尊严，把他当成毫无价值的安慰奖。”

大头芬的世界还是很有道理的。佩芬挺有才。

被人追固然不是坏事，但因此开始翘脚享受，占着茅坑不拉屎，让那个人付出，等待，受伤，那就太不厚道了。我自己都不能容我自己。

错。被人追就是坏事。

还是一个人安安静静好好读书读过这3年好了。不麻烦别人，自己也自由。

give myself a pat at the back! 我还假装蛮伟大的。偷笑一个。哈哈。

这年头

人人都有些小思想小哲学，但都不怎么太深刻。

人人都有点小才，但都只限于爱好；读书才是正道。

人人都有点忧伤的往事，无忧无虑的简单孩子凤毛麟角。

奇了怪了。

my own prob

yoz, happy birthday! congrat for being able to watch R21 movie from now on liaoz haha

thx dan =)

free on sunday? want to have dinner together? need to pass u something also.

erm, i'm quite busy these few weeks leh. need to settle a lot of things. another timing ba. how's life on ur side?

hvnt died yet. half dead thou. busy with hall stuff. ok then. u any sunday free u tell me la.

hvnt die, not died. muz slp more lo..

====

interpretation from the hopelessly (and selectively) sensitive woman aka me:

1. u are fine. and if not happier, happy,
2. ur life is busy and enriched,
3. i'm no longer special in any tiny little single way in ur life. except that maybe u still think u have the 资格 to comment on my english (and unfortunately, u corrected wrongly),

without me.

so i see u r better off without me. it should be the case, or else why u wanted a breakup. but still.

such a failure. i was ur burden when i thought i was ur source of happiness. LOL at myself.

我没那么伟大。只要你过得比我好，狗屁

为什么不心痛哪怕一点点，在乎哪怕一点点，对我特别哪怕一点点

气你，也气我自己

靠


发泄完了，收拾一下
给一个微笑，对你说只要你过得比我好

=逼自己伟大 让自己好过=

irritated

by wat? i also dunno...

during discussion with designers just now, suddenly got frustrated and irritated. 好像经常形容的那样，心里头有把火噌地就冒上来了。

可能是我太喜欢自己的观点。或许是我太反对乔杰的意见（一个小时之前我们还聊得极度投机）。大概是meeting and brainstorm到了极限开始反胃。也许是我的涵养还不够好。

恩，最后一点应该最重要吧。

克制了很久，终于忍不住流露了一点，在乔杰还没停止说话的时候就耐不住开口。

跟之前的讨论都不一样。稍稍注意就能心平气和微笑着表达意见的我，脸上的微笑跟和气我留都留不住。突然就有气。不想笑，不想笑。只想板着脸。

我不爽。不爽不爽不爽。不爽！！

重要原因，歆一直板着个脸，一反常态。从没见过她这么不可爱，心情突然间大跌。朋友还是很重要的。

也没什么具体理由。就是不爽。

没人可以让我发泄一下，就排泄在这里。把这里弄得人人都看不到还是有用处的。

饿。累。烦躁。低落。就是这样。

drunk.

ok. my blood is having high alcohol concentration right now.

thanks colin for bringing me the vodka =)

i'm now in the kind of state that if tilt a bit, will fall down that kind. hand also a bit like floating, must type a few times in order to get the correct thing i want to type..

but still 清醒。the logic of this entry 为证。

somehow addicted to this dizzy and floating feeling. haha.

still left with half a bottle of vodka. colin u want to have a try? wait for u to come back la ha

looks like me and ellen have to sleep with kane tonite again. cos shin and seng occupied kane's room. after drinking.

kane himself also drank abit.

so now he is asleep, like a dead pig. haha


somehow today's vodka taste not as nice as last time's one. maybe bcos i forgot to buy sprite, so we drank the pure 40% thing on its own. and also bcos last time i indeed have some 烦恼。now dun have, so no motivation to drink also. lol~

yeah! i'm so 幸福。dun have 烦恼。

constantly remind myself that i'm very 幸福 already, considering i'm now happily studying in singapore, having enough food, shelter and human right, and still have the luxury of listening to music and eat good nice food. and watch movies and blog.

emotion and love are basically luxuary. and rubbish.

o, last friday was fashion show. will post the pictures after i get hold of them.

this wednesday was the float initiation. seniors poured yellow emulsion paint on juniors.... until now the emulsion on my hair still cannot be totally removed. so yellow. eeeeee

tmr many floaters are gg to jb. i'm not, cos got tuition, and celebration of ball's bdae. wahaha. have sometime alone~ paik chin is not here and will only be back tmr nite. or shld i say tonite.

disclaimer: i have officially settled on and closed about the junzhe issue. friends friends. any deviation from wat i disclaimed or meant can be considered as only a 没事找事 or a desperation resulted from a lack of 烦恼. wahaha

still dizzy. nite ppl.

when can i be

星期天做完家教，明明就要倒了，却临时决定要去逛逛。

现在的我应该会说……去走。呵呵，都是马来西亚人害的。

很久没有去逛街，更久没有一个人去逛街。其实本来也就不太能够理解花钱以及走路的结合有何乐趣，更何况我并不打算在搬家前夕加重自己的家当。

奇怪。突然想去走走。可能是因为想散步又想吹空调吧。哈哈。

baleno减价，正好缺一件外套，进去弄了件。试衣间里看到镜子里的自己，换了眼镜换了发型，感觉有点陌生。好久没认真照照镜子了。

boon lay 的 kopitiam，又叫了炒虾面。你就知道，对吧？

不知道是什么日子，mrt里车站里好多阿兵哥。一样的发型，一样的眼镜，一样的行头。不可能不想，毕竟是我们的两年。

在buona vista 的车站等车，极其幼稚地在恍惚中看到某人的影子。当然不是他。used to be而已。

不能不能这样哦阿蛋。再怎么着你也被球夸过不是。你飞扬着呢，过去的就统统让它们滚蛋吧！哇哈哈！

by the time when i can be smiling instead of tearing when thinking about you
and recall our memories
i get over it

falling down...

i'm the london bridge =,=

tot i couldnt go for the soccer match and national stadium closing ceremony 7pm yesterday and the movie after that, because mr. colin is coming back from france to singapore his own room ( i'm holding his key) for 12 hrs. this master tot june has 31 days, so he happily tot that if the air tickets say he would reach singapore 1pm 30 june and leave singapore for china at 1am 1 july, he could stay in singapore for more than 1 whole day =,=

好想拜他

and... he nv on his hp until some time around... 5pm? i was thinking wat happened =,= moral behind the story, nv ever take sri l**ka airline, cos it can delay for 3 times.

so after i sadly sent off my float friends (i really want to go for the match!), he came back. and this master again check the ticket of his flight to china and told me its 10am... instead of 1am =,=

wah*** why cant i go for the stadium then??

and mr colin decided to go as well, since there are 2 extra tickets. so we rush off for that, haha.

it was grand. to watch a soccer match live in a big stadium feels really different. really shiok! so many people, so many cheerings, different styles of cheerings! plus some of us invested some money in supporting one of the two teams, singapore and australia, the match must be more ecxcited and tensed to them =,=

team singapore is better than i expected. some of the players are really skilful with their legs. they created quite a number of chances in scoring a goal by breaking the opponent's defence (that's when ppl all stand up and the cheering got louder and fiercer), but they are a bit sui i think... 3:0, aus won, as people expected.

and i experienced the famous kallang wave for 3 times! hehe

some of us who went =) still got alot ppl not in the pic~

after the match was the closing ceremony for national stadium of singapore. this grand old dame, as many ppl like to call it, is going to be torn down. today it was the last match played in this stadium, and the kallang wave i experienced was the last one as well. sounds quite sad... i'm not a singaporean, so i'm not particularly emotional about this place. but i think the locals should have a lot of fond memories with this place. s'pore ppl like to talk about 'common experience' rite. lol

they invited a lot of athletes and soccer players who have brought s'pore glory when they played in this stadium. and also kit chan. it's a rather simple ceremony, but the lighting effect was superb. one funny thing is that at the start of the ceremony the sound system cocked up a bit... considering it's a national event~ hehe

after the ceremony most of our ppl were gg for a midnite movie at orchard. i didnt plan to go cos i need to get up early to see colin off, so i didnt book ticket online with them. but again, our mr. colin says he wants to go =,= =,=... ok lo then, since the one who is gg to travel dun want to sleep. so we bought two more tix and went for 'transformer'!

nice movie! story a bit far-fetched, but still not bad. must watch, and must watch in a nice cinema to get the good sound and visual effects! all the guys who went became obsessed with it after they walk out of the cinema. kane and engseng bought the pvc transformers the next day... =,= o, i like bumblebee the best btw. i supposed to have watched the transformer anime when i was very young, but i forgot everything expect for their chinese translation, which is 变形金刚...

and by the time we back to hall, it was already 4+pm. i brought colin to comm hall and lounge and foyer to have a look at our float. it was at this time when i realised we have done so much! looks like i have focused too much in my own stuff. colin gave very high comments on this yr's float, sort of surprised me because i didnt expect such high comments, and give me some confidence. u kno maybe because we are the ones who are doing this, i'm too used to picking up on thing we have done. so... maybe we did better than i think. good.

then bathe. hungry, so ate cup noodle. chitchat with colin and his friend for a while. by the time i slpt, it was 6+am. and... engseng was still in my room =,= =,= =,=

got up at 7:40am to see colin off. back at abt 11am, slp again until 1pm. then... ate lunch and go for tuition... my tuitee suddenly want to change it from 3pm to 4:30pm when i was about to board the bus! grrr. i slacked a bit until 3:45pm, but missed the a2. decided to walk behind pgp to take 30, but didnt kno it was so far away... since it was my 1st time taking this route and given the fact that i was still dreaming, i stood in the bustop on the wrong side and waved in vain to the bus on the other side of the road =,= =,= missed one bus as a result, and waited for 20 mins for the next one...

tuition. suddenly decided to go boon lay to have a walk alone after that. alone.

so yah, collapsing. falling down.