每个人都选择
每个选择都无奈
生活和死亡
靠的那么近又那么远
小孩子，懂什么叫爱，什么叫佛，什么叫命运？
但是小孩子，敢任性，敢爱，敢疯狂
爱
这到底是个什么东西
唉，别给自己戴高帽子了吧
我们比那些动物性的残余多不了多少别的
爱或以爱的名义
一切都在我抽身后上演
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
冬
冬至。
真的是名副其实的冬至。气温骤降到零下，阴雨，湿冷，刮很利的风，呼呼地吹得脸痛。现在比较理解为什么耳刮子是叫“刮”子了。
上午飞奔出去赴迟到了的约会，一如所料又领了本书回来。新街口书城那一整块竟然没有一个properly停车的地方，推个车走两步想找找竟然还被慢车道老头吼，仰天长叹一声“这个地方怎么连个停车的地方都没有啊”他竟然远远咆哮来一句“找哎！”
K*&*^%A_+(*&^%O-=....
家里室温也明显下降。羽绒服哪里敢脱，一天到晚缩着个脖子弄得肩酸得要命。明天零下7度，harpie harpie...
===================
心里还是很温暖的。
跟佩佳 ah kok 从夫子庙坐出租车回家的时候，突然接到哲的电话。
那是怎样的一个意外阿！真的真的，意外得要命。
在佛洛伦萨的一个小网吧里，我亲爱的哲上了很贵的网，在我完全没有想到的时候拨通了我的电话。
他说，他没有去坐gondola，把这个第一次留给我。
他说，他给我买了一个面具。
=）
看看我，完全是一个被哄了一下的幸福小女人的德性。
dear, thank you for your call.
So long as you have me in your mind.
真的是名副其实的冬至。气温骤降到零下，阴雨，湿冷，刮很利的风，呼呼地吹得脸痛。现在比较理解为什么耳刮子是叫“刮”子了。
上午飞奔出去赴迟到了的约会，一如所料又领了本书回来。新街口书城那一整块竟然没有一个properly停车的地方，推个车走两步想找找竟然还被慢车道老头吼，仰天长叹一声“这个地方怎么连个停车的地方都没有啊”他竟然远远咆哮来一句“找哎！”
K*&*^%A_+(*&^%O-=....
家里室温也明显下降。羽绒服哪里敢脱，一天到晚缩着个脖子弄得肩酸得要命。明天零下7度，harpie harpie...
===================
心里还是很温暖的。
跟佩佳 ah kok 从夫子庙坐出租车回家的时候，突然接到哲的电话。
那是怎样的一个意外阿！真的真的，意外得要命。
在佛洛伦萨的一个小网吧里，我亲爱的哲上了很贵的网，在我完全没有想到的时候拨通了我的电话。
他说，他没有去坐gondola，把这个第一次留给我。
他说，他给我买了一个面具。
=）
看看我，完全是一个被哄了一下的幸福小女人的德性。
dear, thank you for your call.
So long as you have me in your mind.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Monday, December 08, 2008
一整个学期，没写什么。
说是忙，也不是假话。只是更多的时候是心忙。心太挤。
突然想起来李弈璋在初中班级日志里我的那一篇下的留言：
你的心太挤，这样下去不行
该清清一个空地，放放你的友情
现在的问题倒不是友情。不过是什么我也说不清楚。
这个学期是如此离奇的浑浑噩噩。
思维越来越不能集中，读书越来越没心思，表达越来越混乱，反应越来越迟缓，稀里糊涂没洗澡没关灯就倒在床上到天亮的次数越来越多。
很要命的是，我竟然好像完全不会考理科考试了。
整个大脑好像太久没上油的锈迹斑斑的发动机，我仿佛能听到它转的时候吱嘎吱嘎的声音。
而它竟然就这么吱嘎了一个学期=,= 我还指望它能转着转着灵光一点呢。
也有欣慰的事情。
终于自己编了一支舞。表演了。感觉很好。
交了几个lab的朋友。
德语，读得还是不错的。
不过毕竟不如意事十之八九。
USC3002固然怪老师，
但USC3002, PC4130, 跟PC3193竟然无一例外地每一次CA或exam都会出些大脑进水，但又很快后知后觉于是懊悔不已的事情。
于是前两门C我不会惊讶，PC3193可能又会到A-的地步。
现在好了，连visa机票我也大脑秀逗。
改什么机票嘛！！！！！！！！
现在好了，改不回来了吧。
写到这里不想写了。想睡觉了。
晚安晚安。
说是忙，也不是假话。只是更多的时候是心忙。心太挤。
突然想起来李弈璋在初中班级日志里我的那一篇下的留言：
你的心太挤，这样下去不行
该清清一个空地，放放你的友情
现在的问题倒不是友情。不过是什么我也说不清楚。
这个学期是如此离奇的浑浑噩噩。
思维越来越不能集中，读书越来越没心思，表达越来越混乱，反应越来越迟缓，稀里糊涂没洗澡没关灯就倒在床上到天亮的次数越来越多。
很要命的是，我竟然好像完全不会考理科考试了。
整个大脑好像太久没上油的锈迹斑斑的发动机，我仿佛能听到它转的时候吱嘎吱嘎的声音。
而它竟然就这么吱嘎了一个学期=,= 我还指望它能转着转着灵光一点呢。
也有欣慰的事情。
终于自己编了一支舞。表演了。感觉很好。
交了几个lab的朋友。
德语，读得还是不错的。
不过毕竟不如意事十之八九。
USC3002固然怪老师，
但USC3002, PC4130, 跟PC3193竟然无一例外地每一次CA或exam都会出些大脑进水，但又很快后知后觉于是懊悔不已的事情。
于是前两门C我不会惊讶，PC3193可能又会到A-的地步。
现在好了，连visa机票我也大脑秀逗。
改什么机票嘛！！！！！！！！
现在好了，改不回来了吧。
写到这里不想写了。想睡觉了。
晚安晚安。
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Thursday, October 02, 2008
moan
i feel wrong.
ever since the semester started.
i was quite low before the holiday started, over zhe's departure to france and the tons of things-to-do during the holidays. but towards the end of the holiday i was happy again, cos i found it interesting and fulfilling. though busy.
and then the 'business' never seemed to stop when the semester starts.
it just feel very wrong. i'm tired almost all the time. many times cannot concentrate on studying. even if i can concentrate, when sitting for CA my brain become unclear and blank again.
i do every thing very slowly without me feeling that. time just seems to fly with the speed of light. and everything seems so un-fruitful.
the many CCAs i'm involved in, i also do them very slowly without me noticing that.
i just dun want to use my brain.
and i'm really tired everyday.
i wonder how i achieve my last sem. it felt strongly that last sem almost everything feels right and i was happy.
perhaps the only a-bit-happy thing is that i finally summon up the courage to choreo a dance. even though now it becomes a burden to me. well not quite.
i really love to dance.
*sign off and go for QM3 lecture*
ever since the semester started.
i was quite low before the holiday started, over zhe's departure to france and the tons of things-to-do during the holidays. but towards the end of the holiday i was happy again, cos i found it interesting and fulfilling. though busy.
and then the 'business' never seemed to stop when the semester starts.
it just feel very wrong. i'm tired almost all the time. many times cannot concentrate on studying. even if i can concentrate, when sitting for CA my brain become unclear and blank again.
i do every thing very slowly without me feeling that. time just seems to fly with the speed of light. and everything seems so un-fruitful.
the many CCAs i'm involved in, i also do them very slowly without me noticing that.
i just dun want to use my brain.
and i'm really tired everyday.
i wonder how i achieve my last sem. it felt strongly that last sem almost everything feels right and i was happy.
perhaps the only a-bit-happy thing is that i finally summon up the courage to choreo a dance. even though now it becomes a burden to me. well not quite.
i really love to dance.
*sign off and go for QM3 lecture*
Saturday, September 27, 2008
2nd entry of the sem
这是开学以来的第二篇。
时间就这么嗖~的一下全都过去了。我就是在忙啊、忙啊、忙啊、忙啊。就到mid term了。
奥运会开了又闭了。残奥也开了又闭了。
武术全国赛好像已经是上辈子的事了。
一瞬间我怎么成了campus coach.
election comm 轰轰烈烈地也走完了一遭。
UROP好像没开始多久，但怎么就跟lab里的人那么熟了呢。
experimental II 竟然一半credit已经被我干掉了。
俊哲的彦文表弟也接待了。
我的生日也过了。
俊哲生日的礼物也寄了。
火也救了一场，PR身份还挺吃香。
还看了两场dance concert，一场相声。
第一次choreo一整个舞蹈竟然也就编完了。
SEP的事情倒是还没搞定，不过Dean's Office的人都认识我了。
就这样，我浑浑噩噩跨进了我的22岁。
PS: 就生日那天本身而言，谢谢阿真，球，吉波，歆，一大帮子KE的朋友，还有哲，还有那些sms或msn祝贺我的人 =) 你们带给了我这段忙碌而郁闷的时间里不多的快乐。
时间就这么嗖~的一下全都过去了。我就是在忙啊、忙啊、忙啊、忙啊。就到mid term了。
奥运会开了又闭了。残奥也开了又闭了。
武术全国赛好像已经是上辈子的事了。
一瞬间我怎么成了campus coach.
election comm 轰轰烈烈地也走完了一遭。
UROP好像没开始多久，但怎么就跟lab里的人那么熟了呢。
experimental II 竟然一半credit已经被我干掉了。
俊哲的彦文表弟也接待了。
我的生日也过了。
俊哲生日的礼物也寄了。
火也救了一场，PR身份还挺吃香。
还看了两场dance concert，一场相声。
第一次choreo一整个舞蹈竟然也就编完了。
SEP的事情倒是还没搞定，不过Dean's Office的人都认识我了。
就这样，我浑浑噩噩跨进了我的22岁。
PS: 就生日那天本身而言，谢谢阿真，球，吉波，歆，一大帮子KE的朋友，还有哲，还有那些sms或msn祝贺我的人 =) 你们带给了我这段忙碌而郁闷的时间里不多的快乐。
Monday, August 11, 2008
happening
真是多事之秋。
attachment结束后那段时间看很多周星驰的戏。没事干就在youtube上搜steven chow。东成西就和方世玉也被我抓来看了几遍。看来我是需要感受智商降低的效果。迫切地不想用脑。
alternate days 一如既往地武术训练。
白天float dance。随着rag day 的临近，practice如预料中地越来越多，后来变成如预料中地10 to 10。
然后所有事情好像都商量好了一样聚在08年8月8号。Rag Day, Olympics Opening, yanling n engseng's birthdays. 真是个吉利的好日子。
=====
talking about rag. i love this year's dancers.
we really had a lot of fun. and i really saw the real hard and excellent work from yanling, wanling and geri, as well as all the rest of the dancers. i will never forget wenhao's AHOO~~, jeremy's 'Hi Queen!', Haotian's generous help, Zichun's voice-less motivation cheer at SRC, Dawn and Shuo jie's strengthful support, Xing Yue's smile and compliment, vui min's 云南白药, the last sleepless night trying to make shin's armour, Eric's dance, .......................
and our cheer! inspired by yanling, publicized by yifeng: "...1,2,3: MUSIC!"
we put out our best performance ever on the Rag Day itself.
we didnt win any awards.
but
it doesnt matter.
the fact is, we put out our best performance ever on the Rag Day itself!
the moment we finished our performance, we jumped up and cheered as we run away. we knew we are the winners.
i personally think the costumes are nice. and i can really say i watch the process of improvement. although, haiz, the 'sexiness' theme on the queen, which is played by me, awarded me with severe sunburn.
a lot more about float. another time.
attachment结束后那段时间看很多周星驰的戏。没事干就在youtube上搜steven chow。东成西就和方世玉也被我抓来看了几遍。看来我是需要感受智商降低的效果。迫切地不想用脑。
alternate days 一如既往地武术训练。
白天float dance。随着rag day 的临近，practice如预料中地越来越多，后来变成如预料中地10 to 10。
然后所有事情好像都商量好了一样聚在08年8月8号。Rag Day, Olympics Opening, yanling n engseng's birthdays. 真是个吉利的好日子。
=====
talking about rag. i love this year's dancers.
we really had a lot of fun. and i really saw the real hard and excellent work from yanling, wanling and geri, as well as all the rest of the dancers. i will never forget wenhao's AHOO~~, jeremy's 'Hi Queen!', Haotian's generous help, Zichun's voice-less motivation cheer at SRC, Dawn and Shuo jie's strengthful support, Xing Yue's smile and compliment, vui min's 云南白药, the last sleepless night trying to make shin's armour, Eric's dance, .......................
and our cheer! inspired by yanling, publicized by yifeng: "...1,2,3: MUSIC!"
we put out our best performance ever on the Rag Day itself.
we didnt win any awards.
but
it doesnt matter.
the fact is, we put out our best performance ever on the Rag Day itself!
the moment we finished our performance, we jumped up and cheered as we run away. we knew we are the winners.
i personally think the costumes are nice. and i can really say i watch the process of improvement. although, haiz, the 'sexiness' theme on the queen, which is played by me, awarded me with severe sunburn.
a lot more about float. another time.all in all: this year's float is good!
===
then, the Olympics Opening.
Much was said by millions of other ppl.
i just want to say
it's really fabulous.
marvellous.
spectulate.
太美了。
绝了。
我好自豪啊。
T.T
唱《歌唱祖国》和国歌的时候，我都咽了。
在KE的lounge里跟好多人一起看别有一番滋味
大概也只有在KE这么和谐的地方才会给人这种感觉
马来西亚新加坡还有别的国家的华人和中国人一起鼓掌，一起WOW，怎一个爽字了得
当时看的时候很紧张，很担心
真的，很怕
怕有人来捣乱
怕这么大的production出cock-up
还好还好，nothing happened
我们用震撼的美仑美奂征服了世界
=====
after watching opening ceremony we drag ourselves to engseng's room to celebrate his birthday
unsurprisingly, i fell asleep, and had no idea wat happened.
=====
the next day i woke up at 2pm (WOW 'o' )
then i decided to 兑现我说的话，treat Haotian dinner.
Special thanks to Haotian. One of our major role, the poker king, dancer suddenly not around for homecoming, so i dragged Haotian in and made him learn the steps in one day. he performed for homecoming. but the old king came back and we decided to let the old king perform for the rag day. so Haotian was left out. But he is soooo nice that he kept saying he understand perfectly about our situation. and he really does. he even come to support us all the way til rag. really really, thx very much...
哎，这年头，长的又帅，声音又好听，又有时尚品位，又幽默，人又好，读书又厉害的男的，真的是不多了哎……
in the end he refused the treat. we and niyou and wenhao went pgp canteen for dinner together only, as a result.
then after that, i went to watch Mummy 3.
Not a bad movie. just that after so many spectulate things, the movie doesnt look extraordinarily amazing la.
still, quite a cool movie. worth watching.
====
then, hv to rush back hall to prepare surprise for sharon, who is coming back from the US.
jeremy wanted us to hide in sharon's room, and pop out and surprise her.
he wanted me to buy ben & jerry's icecream at 7-11. shin told me to go NUH, i was like 'huh???' lucky haotian saved me by telling me that there's a 7-11 near the golden village at vivo...
then we carried out the 'surprise' plan.
so...yah.
happening huh?
Sunday, August 03, 2008
no matter
zhe says he discovered he actually love to dance
i'm so happy =)
i'm so happy =)
= i think i must stop watching this kind of things and crying @.@ =
Saturday, August 02, 2008
a better day
has not been in a good mood since my last post.
女人心事真麻烦。
====== （传说中的无敌分割线，我变两道~）
went to a course conducted by NUS counselling centre
when zhanjiang told me about this workshop through an email in April or March i cant remember, i didn really care and just let the email rot in my NUS mailbox. didnt really think about it seriously even when zhanjiang talked to me about this face to face. but i kept it in mind, somehow.
then after the Cambodia trip, i went to dig the email out, and told zhanjiang and the councelling centre i want to join. but too late =,=
then 8 hours before the start of the workshop, another friend (of zhangjiang and me) who signed up suddenly cannot go.
tada~~~~ there it goes. i appear in front of a totally suprised Ball ^___^ lol
踏破铁鞋无觅处，得来全不费工夫
缘分，缘分啊！
===================
基本上，这个course刷新了我对倾听这个技能的认识。
u r not a friend. u r more than a friend.
and, u have to find ur own ways to save urself.
how to guide the way, that's the art of listening.
决定继续往这个方向走下去。
8月11，12号的campus coach course再见。
===========
等一下。跑题跑了好远啊！
why it was a better day among so many moody days?
i finally set my USP ISM application settled!
look for supervisors, look for projects, discussion, write-up, need signature but supervisor suddenly out of singapore, look for HOD but haha he is overseas as well, ask for extention, and yesterday (the original deadline) i cant believe i actually find the supervisor and HOD acting head and turn the application in ON TIME!!!!!!!!
o yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and also, managed to make clear my modules to be taken and SEP module mappings. this sem the bidding is really giving me a lot of troubles. EVERYTHING CLASHES! i have 3 modules die die must take: QM3, experimental physics 2 and German 2. 跟其他的撞完. haiz so complicated.
but i want to insist on my principles. i MUST take German. even if I will have to take two level 4 modules this sem.
====
o and another nice thing is, i think i can skip LSM3231! =) since i can take LSM3234 during SEP straight away. can just throw away the pre-requisite. yeah! one module less!
女人心事真麻烦。
====== （传说中的无敌分割线，我变两道~）
went to a course conducted by NUS counselling centre
when zhanjiang told me about this workshop through an email in April or March i cant remember, i didn really care and just let the email rot in my NUS mailbox. didnt really think about it seriously even when zhanjiang talked to me about this face to face. but i kept it in mind, somehow.
then after the Cambodia trip, i went to dig the email out, and told zhanjiang and the councelling centre i want to join. but too late =,=
then 8 hours before the start of the workshop, another friend (of zhangjiang and me) who signed up suddenly cannot go.
tada~~~~ there it goes. i appear in front of a totally suprised Ball ^___^ lol
踏破铁鞋无觅处，得来全不费工夫
缘分，缘分啊！
===================
基本上，这个course刷新了我对倾听这个技能的认识。
u r not a friend. u r more than a friend.
and, u have to find ur own ways to save urself.
how to guide the way, that's the art of listening.
决定继续往这个方向走下去。
8月11，12号的campus coach course再见。
===========
等一下。跑题跑了好远啊！
why it was a better day among so many moody days?
i finally set my USP ISM application settled!
look for supervisors, look for projects, discussion, write-up, need signature but supervisor suddenly out of singapore, look for HOD but haha he is overseas as well, ask for extention, and yesterday (the original deadline) i cant believe i actually find the supervisor and HOD acting head and turn the application in ON TIME!!!!!!!!
o yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and also, managed to make clear my modules to be taken and SEP module mappings. this sem the bidding is really giving me a lot of troubles. EVERYTHING CLASHES! i have 3 modules die die must take: QM3, experimental physics 2 and German 2. 跟其他的撞完. haiz so complicated.
but i want to insist on my principles. i MUST take German. even if I will have to take two level 4 modules this sem.
====
o and another nice thing is, i think i can skip LSM3231! =) since i can take LSM3234 during SEP straight away. can just throw away the pre-requisite. yeah! one module less!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Photos of Last Day of Work!
Yesterday was the last day of our mid-course attachment at FMSS. =)
Photos are a must on this kind of memorable day.
Yeah! the 5 ppl who have survived the 3-and-a-half weeks together. From left: Amanda (little 'annoying' spicy singapore girl LOL, maths), Xin Yu (very nice sg girl with sweet smiles, chinese), me (*omit description*, physics), Liu Xi (cool sm1 senior, chemistry), and Patrick (psychotic, extremely not-teacher-like malaysian, chinese).
The farewell present from my science HOD, Mr. Malvin Chan!.... He's so nice!
Bye bye to the office which housed us for the past 3-and-a-half weeks...
...and we left poor Jasmine alone. She is doing her NIE practical here. Another few more weeks for her.
We have decided to go for a lunch to celebrate weeks ago. So here we are, heading to Holland Village!
At the bustop outside our school.
Yeah... Had lunch at the restaurant where Shin works. She served us and got us lunch promotion! LOL
Photos are a must on this kind of memorable day.
Yeah! the 5 ppl who have survived the 3-and-a-half weeks together. From left: Amanda (little 'annoying' spicy singapore girl LOL, maths), Xin Yu (very nice sg girl with sweet smiles, chinese), me (*omit description*, physics), Liu Xi (cool sm1 senior, chemistry), and Patrick (psychotic, extremely not-teacher-like malaysian, chinese).
The farewell present from my science HOD, Mr. Malvin Chan!.... He's so nice!
Bye bye to the office which housed us for the past 3-and-a-half weeks...
...and we left poor Jasmine alone. She is doing her NIE practical here. Another few more weeks for her.We have decided to go for a lunch to celebrate weeks ago. So here we are, heading to Holland Village!
At the bustop outside our school.
Yeah... Had lunch at the restaurant where Shin works. She served us and got us lunch promotion! LOL===
This Mid-course programme officially ended with the feedback session at MOE today.
All in all, I like this experience. Really, I have learnt really a lot on how to be a proper teacher. and I think teaching is indeed a profession that I want to try.
Special thanks to my Hall Master family, for being so kind to give me a ride to school every morning! Love you all! =D
= Good morning Miss Ye ^.^ =
so funny
u let him wait too long, he loses passion and run away.
u let him get hold of u, he complains he lost the wonderful feeling of chasing for love and is not satisfied as well.
wtf so funny.
pardon me for my words. i just suddenly lost interest on this stupid relationship. i think i got better things to do.
let's hope this feeling is temporary.
u let him get hold of u, he complains he lost the wonderful feeling of chasing for love and is not satisfied as well.
wtf so funny.
pardon me for my words. i just suddenly lost interest on this stupid relationship. i think i got better things to do.
let's hope this feeling is temporary.
昨天是上班的最后一天。
其实现在还有半篇reflection没写完。没心思写。
seng came back.
i miss him.
yang at training again.
no email from him.
i'm so fed up with myself being so desperate.
i want to be his special one with exclusive privilege.
zhongyuan's new roommate is a pain in my ass.
i registered xiaonei.
i saw his posts.
i know he is tired. and stressed. and many other things.
i want to say, i had the similar feeling as well, but my emphasis is on wat i gain now. if u r sooo sad about wat u have lost that u think wat u gained is not enough to make it up, really, i dun mind giving it back to u.
其实现在还有半篇reflection没写完。没心思写。
seng came back.
i miss him.
yang at training again.
no email from him.
i'm so fed up with myself being so desperate.
i want to be his special one with exclusive privilege.
zhongyuan's new roommate is a pain in my ass.
i registered xiaonei.
i saw his posts.
i know he is tired. and stressed. and many other things.
i want to say, i had the similar feeling as well, but my emphasis is on wat i gain now. if u r sooo sad about wat u have lost that u think wat u gained is not enough to make it up, really, i dun mind giving it back to u.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
big day
today has been a fruitful day. many things accomplished. good good.
although the day started by me overslept a bit and got waken up by Mrs Ho's call, i got the day right back by jumping up and rushing to Prof Ho's car in 8 minutes.
then 7:45am, i taught, for the first time, in a classroom.
it was not very good. i was very lacking in experience on how to bring the knowledge across, so my teacher mentor had to stop me quite a few times and add on to make sure the pupils understand. and now i know wat is more scary than students talking non-stop -- it's when they show blank faces and never response! u can see they dun care, they dun buy u, they are doing their own stuff, all sorts of things.
but, my point is, i'm glad that i asked for hands-on teaching. i really learnt a lotttt more from this than from mere observation.
10:15am, another class. teach the same thing. it was better. thanks to the experience from the first class. i'm happy.
12pm, had a nice and full lunch. FMSS's dumpling must be their signature.
4pm, our project presentation. YEAH FINALLY ITS DONEEEEEEEEEEEE
I'm so relieved!
=) yah, it was really painful and rush. that explains my absence of entries last few days.
then lastly, wushu training today was fruitful too! me and irene do sword combi-s 10 times each, i can feel i'm improving! must thank irene a lottttt!! =D
==========
oyah. one minor incident.
my butt got poked by the protruding sharp corner of the white board in my office. didnt know it's so serious until i saw blood on my white pants... and the hole on my pants...
=.= like that also kena poke....
although the day started by me overslept a bit and got waken up by Mrs Ho's call, i got the day right back by jumping up and rushing to Prof Ho's car in 8 minutes.
then 7:45am, i taught, for the first time, in a classroom.
it was not very good. i was very lacking in experience on how to bring the knowledge across, so my teacher mentor had to stop me quite a few times and add on to make sure the pupils understand. and now i know wat is more scary than students talking non-stop -- it's when they show blank faces and never response! u can see they dun care, they dun buy u, they are doing their own stuff, all sorts of things.
but, my point is, i'm glad that i asked for hands-on teaching. i really learnt a lotttt more from this than from mere observation.
10:15am, another class. teach the same thing. it was better. thanks to the experience from the first class. i'm happy.
12pm, had a nice and full lunch. FMSS's dumpling must be their signature.
4pm, our project presentation. YEAH FINALLY ITS DONEEEEEEEEEEEE
I'm so relieved!
=) yah, it was really painful and rush. that explains my absence of entries last few days.
then lastly, wushu training today was fruitful too! me and irene do sword combi-s 10 times each, i can feel i'm improving! must thank irene a lottttt!! =D
==========
oyah. one minor incident.
my butt got poked by the protruding sharp corner of the white board in my office. didnt know it's so serious until i saw blood on my white pants... and the hole on my pants...
=.= like that also kena poke....
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
支持原创
BABY 怎么忘记 怎么放弃
那段属于我们的回忆
已经住在心底 一直都会记起
我们在一起的雨季
BABY 你现在在哪里
躲在谁的心里偷偷住着一个小小的你
我想要对你讲的那些难猜的题
你是不是都早已经忘记
那段属于我们的回忆
已经住在心底 一直都会记起
我们在一起的雨季
BABY 你现在在哪里
躲在谁的心里偷偷住着一个小小的你
我想要对你讲的那些难猜的题
你是不是都早已经忘记
= on 12 July =
Thursday, July 10, 2008
today
read textbook in study room for the whole morning
go school waste time dealing with others and try to study some papers for USP biophysics project - for the sake of spending the 4 hours from 1 to 5pm
then 5pm, teacher appreciation dinner. kinda weird, even though i believe we deserve the dinner very much given the fact that we set up a super-market in the school hall by 5 of us and stand there be the salesgirl/salesguy for them and NOT GETTING PAID
rush finish dinner, didnt feel like taking much even though the food is really nice. then come back hall, start wushu training.
then kengyong came.
i think i'm quite smart in taking off my specs so that i cant see him (and everything else) clearly so that i can afford to face him without much uneasiness.
he still jumps high, plays fast. lucky he didnt do tang2lang2. or i will die.
he must be the only one that i didnt talk to at all today. somehow trying to avoid him by doing stretching and bending my head down. others still play with me furiously, irene even draw line around me when i stayed stagnant with my head bent down in a splitting pose, and wrote "crime scene".
everyone is laughing and happy. i dunno what is on his face.
then on my way back to my room, i saw a big spider with 7 legs.
go school waste time dealing with others and try to study some papers for USP biophysics project - for the sake of spending the 4 hours from 1 to 5pm
then 5pm, teacher appreciation dinner. kinda weird, even though i believe we deserve the dinner very much given the fact that we set up a super-market in the school hall by 5 of us and stand there be the salesgirl/salesguy for them and NOT GETTING PAID
rush finish dinner, didnt feel like taking much even though the food is really nice. then come back hall, start wushu training.
then kengyong came.
i think i'm quite smart in taking off my specs so that i cant see him (and everything else) clearly so that i can afford to face him without much uneasiness.
he still jumps high, plays fast. lucky he didnt do tang2lang2. or i will die.
he must be the only one that i didnt talk to at all today. somehow trying to avoid him by doing stretching and bending my head down. others still play with me furiously, irene even draw line around me when i stayed stagnant with my head bent down in a splitting pose, and wrote "crime scene".
everyone is laughing and happy. i dunno what is on his face.
then on my way back to my room, i saw a big spider with 7 legs.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
m.a.n.y t.h.i.n.g.s
事情是汹涌着来的~
长江后浪推前浪
从柬埔寨回来，
像梦游一样收拾了半天，
第二天一大早7点多起来去MOE报到，
晚上3个小时的武术训练，
然后第三天更大早6点多起来去Fairfield Methodist Sec Schl报到，
晚上2个小时float dance workshop，
然后第四天，就是今天，继续6点多起来去FMSS上学。
等下去吃饭，
然后7点，又是3个小时武术训练。
以后的日子，就都是这样喽~
累……体力上的。
不过hor
我感觉我的holiday像一条拉链
看前方，咬得紧紧的很辛苦，简直不敢去想
但是走过了，就解开了，而且还是很开心地解开了
真的leh
surprisingly, i like my holiday so far ^.^
我好像欠很多账
China immersion trip的entry还没有写完，
柬埔寨的我也特激动想好好写上一番
第一天进学校当老师也特激动想好好写上一番
oh my god，这还只是blog的账而已哎！！
尽量吧我……在做工，training，做project和discuss ISM 的空隙中尽量吧
哎呀，再不吃饭来不及了，赶紧闪人……
长江后浪推前浪
从柬埔寨回来，
像梦游一样收拾了半天，
第二天一大早7点多起来去MOE报到，
晚上3个小时的武术训练，
然后第三天更大早6点多起来去Fairfield Methodist Sec Schl报到，
晚上2个小时float dance workshop，
然后第四天，就是今天，继续6点多起来去FMSS上学。
等下去吃饭，
然后7点，又是3个小时武术训练。
以后的日子，就都是这样喽~
累……体力上的。
不过hor
我感觉我的holiday像一条拉链
看前方，咬得紧紧的很辛苦，简直不敢去想
但是走过了，就解开了，而且还是很开心地解开了
真的leh
surprisingly, i like my holiday so far ^.^
我好像欠很多账
China immersion trip的entry还没有写完，
柬埔寨的我也特激动想好好写上一番
第一天进学校当老师也特激动想好好写上一番
oh my god，这还只是blog的账而已哎！！
尽量吧我……在做工，training，做project和discuss ISM 的空隙中尽量吧
哎呀，再不吃饭来不及了，赶紧闪人……
Saturday, June 21, 2008
flying off to cambodia
leaving hall in 4 hours
this day in Singapore has been not a very cheerful day
cant help but sigh. see one week later ba.
i miss you. really really miss you very much.
this day in Singapore has been not a very cheerful day
cant help but sigh. see one week later ba.
i miss you. really really miss you very much.
只为记录
整整一天的舟车劳顿把我弄回了新加坡
我怎么感觉我怎么这么就又回来了
听的讲的经历着的逐一改变
心情不太安分
有一种惶惶的感觉
在机场一路走一路稀里糊涂瞎琢磨
我突然好像有些厌烦这个小地方
啊……一点都不想回来！
我记得我好像从来没有对这里有过这么反感的情绪
奇怪
开始常写中文而非英文
不喜欢这里的闷热
对宿舍的厕所心怀不满
国大里人烟稀少得像见了鬼
躺在宿舍房间的床上就开始想念家里的床
想想以后要在这里的生活 omg我竟然有一点点恐惧
我要想说还可以继续写一大篇，
只是其实这感觉应该是很多像我一样疲于奔命在两种也不能说是文化的东西之间的人们都曾有过的
它们既不相克又不相生
关系既复杂又微妙
很少有人两者兼而溶之或两者谁都不沾
感觉像两个是远房亲戚的孩子的孩子
本来就没什么吧
没事想这么多干嘛
我这些年就指一句话活着
说 人类一思考，上帝就发笑
写下来，只为记录
我怎么感觉我怎么这么就又回来了
听的讲的经历着的逐一改变
心情不太安分
有一种惶惶的感觉
在机场一路走一路稀里糊涂瞎琢磨
我突然好像有些厌烦这个小地方
啊……一点都不想回来！
我记得我好像从来没有对这里有过这么反感的情绪
奇怪
开始常写中文而非英文
不喜欢这里的闷热
对宿舍的厕所心怀不满
国大里人烟稀少得像见了鬼
躺在宿舍房间的床上就开始想念家里的床
想想以后要在这里的生活 omg我竟然有一点点恐惧
我要想说还可以继续写一大篇，
只是其实这感觉应该是很多像我一样疲于奔命在两种也不能说是文化的东西之间的人们都曾有过的
它们既不相克又不相生
关系既复杂又微妙
很少有人两者兼而溶之或两者谁都不沾
感觉像两个是远房亲戚的孩子的孩子
本来就没什么吧
没事想这么多干嘛
我这些年就指一句话活着
说 人类一思考，上帝就发笑
写下来，只为记录
Sunday, June 15, 2008
睡了一觉起来
今天挺开心的。原因在于那个长长的50分钟的电话。=)
接到他的电话总是很开心的。呵呵。
讲到南京的天气转冷风大，他说小心啊，别感冒了。
很开心的。
发现我在慢慢被他同化。开始讨厌last minute的人，开始总说“原因在于”，开始学着干脆地挂电话。
我似乎还是有点被动的那个人吧，尽管有时候会口头上试图占点小便宜，比如找别人啊，搓衣板啊，但这些东西讲多了也不好，我特知道。
感觉稍微有点狼狈。
今天骑在路上，顶着小雨大风，突然也不知道怎么就觉得，男的追女的这事吧，女的别那么快答应。不是摆架子。跟他暧昧，暧昧久一点，最好有男女朋友之实无男女朋友之名。等他看清了你所有缺点所有和他不合的地方(and vise versa for u)，他还是很爱你想跟你在一起，那再落实名分吧。
不然，追的时候心目中特完美的女人形象，跟现实中的弄个反差，男的觉得失落了不对了，女的觉得被追到手了就被冷落了不一样了。对俩人都不好，是吧。
相爱容易相处难，大实话一句。
嘿，我怎么觉得我把男女朋友关系上升到一个严肃的如婚姻般的级别。oh my god 有点小可怕。
可能是因为大家觉得离婚很郁闷，而我却觉得分手已经郁闷透了。
尤其是自身价值在别人心里被抬高后又掉下来的感觉。极端郁闷透了。
确实会在这里写一些很私很隐的话，挖到自己心眼里头头的话，打死我也不会在人前说的话，被俊哲看到了对我们的关系没什么好处可能还有坏处的话。
所以我那么限制我的读者群，甚至搬过一次家。
顺便说一下，如果你现在在读着这些文字，帮个忙别把这个地址告诉别人，就别放link了吧。
那个谁
我知道把自己解剖了完全暴露在你面前不好
感情嘛，是不是总是要有些小手段
太过真实，总是感情的致命伤
所以我怕你看到这些字
但是我好想让你知道我在想什么
你说你想知道的
你说我不说你怎么知道
有些话当面我怎么可能说得出口
我在想如果你是真的，那你应该会在看到整个真实的我之后还是那么真
所以我想你看到这些字
知道我要的是什么
所以……所以？
真的想让你看，真的怕你看。
women are from Venus, men are from Mars
=====
i want to give you my fullest support
但我不甘心 only to be someone who supports
sometimes i just want to slap my heart
or my brain, rather
who the hell ask you to ALWAYS THINK TOO MUCH and SO CONTRADICTORILY?
cant you just be a normal girl who loves and takes care without too much ambition
or cant you just be a normal girl with big ambition who loves less and dun bother to take care
.................
“你成功地拴住了一个男人的心。”
真的吗？
应该是真的吧，啊？
不是真的也无所谓。我何苦。是吧。
希望不是无可救药，
我对我的自卑的自卑。
==============
写完了就忘掉，至少试一试忘掉！
平心而论
i love him
and so far it feels like he loves me too
looks like it's enough =)
接到他的电话总是很开心的。呵呵。
讲到南京的天气转冷风大，他说小心啊，别感冒了。
很开心的。
发现我在慢慢被他同化。开始讨厌last minute的人，开始总说“原因在于”，开始学着干脆地挂电话。
我似乎还是有点被动的那个人吧，尽管有时候会口头上试图占点小便宜，比如找别人啊，搓衣板啊，但这些东西讲多了也不好，我特知道。
感觉稍微有点狼狈。
今天骑在路上，顶着小雨大风，突然也不知道怎么就觉得，男的追女的这事吧，女的别那么快答应。不是摆架子。跟他暧昧，暧昧久一点，最好有男女朋友之实无男女朋友之名。等他看清了你所有缺点所有和他不合的地方(and vise versa for u)，他还是很爱你想跟你在一起，那再落实名分吧。
不然，追的时候心目中特完美的女人形象，跟现实中的弄个反差，男的觉得失落了不对了，女的觉得被追到手了就被冷落了不一样了。对俩人都不好，是吧。
相爱容易相处难，大实话一句。
嘿，我怎么觉得我把男女朋友关系上升到一个严肃的如婚姻般的级别。oh my god 有点小可怕。
可能是因为大家觉得离婚很郁闷，而我却觉得分手已经郁闷透了。
尤其是自身价值在别人心里被抬高后又掉下来的感觉。极端郁闷透了。
确实会在这里写一些很私很隐的话，挖到自己心眼里头头的话，打死我也不会在人前说的话，被俊哲看到了对我们的关系没什么好处可能还有坏处的话。
所以我那么限制我的读者群，甚至搬过一次家。
顺便说一下，如果你现在在读着这些文字，帮个忙别把这个地址告诉别人，就别放link了吧。
那个谁
我知道把自己解剖了完全暴露在你面前不好
感情嘛，是不是总是要有些小手段
太过真实，总是感情的致命伤
所以我怕你看到这些字
但是我好想让你知道我在想什么
你说你想知道的
你说我不说你怎么知道
有些话当面我怎么可能说得出口
我在想如果你是真的，那你应该会在看到整个真实的我之后还是那么真
所以我想你看到这些字
知道我要的是什么
所以……所以？
真的想让你看，真的怕你看。
women are from Venus, men are from Mars
=====
i want to give you my fullest support
但我不甘心 only to be someone who supports
sometimes i just want to slap my heart
or my brain, rather
who the hell ask you to ALWAYS THINK TOO MUCH and SO CONTRADICTORILY?
cant you just be a normal girl who loves and takes care without too much ambition
or cant you just be a normal girl with big ambition who loves less and dun bother to take care
.................
“你成功地拴住了一个男人的心。”
真的吗？
应该是真的吧，啊？
不是真的也无所谓。我何苦。是吧。
希望不是无可救药，
我对我的自卑的自卑。
==============
写完了就忘掉，至少试一试忘掉！
平心而论
i love him
and so far it feels like he loves me too
looks like it's enough =)
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
蛋蛋去绍兴
2008年5月30日，本同学跟随大队人马来绍兴。
本同学固然还是一样的忙，连让球见我一面都得见缝插针。所以球拨冗用10分钟的自行车速飞驰来到鲁迅路文化一条街，在咸亨酒店接见了本蛋蛋同学，为期45分钟。
这个不是咸亨酒店的正门，站在那高大的牌匾前时球就说，人一定拍得很小。果然，我们如此微不足道。那时球刚换了发型，她说我也在无考试无压力的生活下，痘痘不见啦，脸被圆化啦～(她还加了一个oOps)
全中国咸亨酒店很多家，唯有这家是鲁迅笔下的。在门前沉思的，自然是孔乙己啦。
小店名气大，老酒醉人多。
我也不知道为什么，后来我们的领队老师也坐过来了。
本同学固然还是一样的忙，连让球见我一面都得见缝插针。所以球拨冗用10分钟的自行车速飞驰来到鲁迅路文化一条街，在咸亨酒店接见了本蛋蛋同学，为期45分钟。
这个不是咸亨酒店的正门，站在那高大的牌匾前时球就说，人一定拍得很小。果然，我们如此微不足道。那时球刚换了发型，她说我也在无考试无压力的生活下，痘痘不见啦，脸被圆化啦～(她还加了一个oOps)
全中国咸亨酒店很多家，唯有这家是鲁迅笔下的。在门前沉思的，自然是孔乙己啦。
小店名气大，老酒醉人多。
我也不知道为什么，后来我们的领队老师也坐过来了。桌上碗里的是绍兴老酒，我固然是酒鬼，一碗全都喝完了。球说后劲那么足的酒，不知道我回杭州的时候有没有找不着北。事实是我除了在回杭州的大巴上如常半睡不醒了一个钟头后就再也没什么喝过酒的感觉了。而球申明介于还要酒后“驾”车，为了安全行驶，只小嘬了几口（切~）。
碟子里的自然是大名鼎鼎的茴香豆！“不多不多，多乎哉，不多也”。
我们一致认为，桌上的红tray十分煞风景。
短暂的会晤在愉快的气氛中结束了。
之后我还未来及提及此事，球就叫到她发现我在博里把绍兴无视掉了。在她抗议的时候我丢过去一句“你也没提啊”！
于是她先下手为强了。
鉴于我真诚地认为她写的很难被超越，特改编于次。
Sunday, June 08, 2008
昨天
两件似乎值得写的事。
一。前一晚被蚊子围剿。手上胳膊上腿上脚上脸上都中招加上被嗡嗡声嗡得再也睡不着后积极反围剿告捷。初步断定作案嫌疑蚊有至少三只。采用了开灯把自己扔床上当诱饵的战术。俘获一只（扣在一个杯子里），击毙一只，还有一只在逃。
二。早饭之后吞了一片疟疾药，结果这片东西竟然堵了我一整天。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。感觉它就在胸腔那里迟迟不下去。吸口口水都有那个药的味道。
一。前一晚被蚊子围剿。手上胳膊上腿上脚上脸上都中招加上被嗡嗡声嗡得再也睡不着后积极反围剿告捷。初步断定作案嫌疑蚊有至少三只。采用了开灯把自己扔床上当诱饵的战术。俘获一只（扣在一个杯子里），击毙一只，还有一只在逃。
二。早饭之后吞了一片疟疾药，结果这片东西竟然堵了我一整天。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。感觉它就在胸腔那里迟迟不下去。吸口口水都有那个药的味道。
Friday, June 06, 2008
back to nanjing =finally=
i was back to nanjing on 2 June from the 16-day immersion trip organised by our very own NUS physics department.
below is a short overview of my trip
At Tsing Hua University, Beijing, our major partner school for the immersion
and of course, got sight-seeing and tour ard in Beijing... (it's forbidden city at the back, in case u cant see it clearly)
back to and spent a night at Shanghai before they fly back to Singapore, and I and Jibo come back to Nanjing.
was still in 'travelling mode' after back to Nanjing, cos need to bring the little tourist Jibo to tour around. Just sent him off this morning.
below is a short overview of my trip
we took a flight from singapore to SHANGHAI, and toured around abit before we went off (by train) to our true destination, Beijing and Hangzhou.
At Tsing Hua University, Beijing, our major partner school for the immersion
and of course, got sight-seeing and tour ard in Beijing... (it's forbidden city at the back, in case u cant see it clearly)
then, Hangzhou. We really chose a right time to visit there. it's simply beautiful.
back to and spent a night at Shanghai before they fly back to Singapore, and I and Jibo come back to Nanjing.
was still in 'travelling mode' after back to Nanjing, cos need to bring the little tourist Jibo to tour around. Just sent him off this morning.Many details about the trip. like the horrible hotel in Beijing, the touching experience at the community school, the nice treats at Lou Wai Lou and Shan Wai Shan at Hangzhou...
Shall record it the next time.
and also the results, which came out in the mist of the trip.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
然而就在抢救到最关键的时候，突然教学楼的废墟因为余震和机吊操作发生了移动，随时有可能发生再次坍塌，再进入废墟救援十分的危险，几乎等于送死，当时的消防指挥下了死命令，让钻入废墟的人马上撤出来，要等到坍塌稳定后再进入，然而此时，几个刚才废墟出来的战士大叫又发现了孩子。
几个战士听见了就不管了，转头又要往里钻，这时坍塌就发生了，一块巨大的混凝土块眼看就在往下陷，那几个往里转的战士马上给其他的战士死死拖住，两帮人在上面拉扯，最后废墟上的战士们被人拖到了安全地带，一个刚从废墟中带出了一个孩子的战士就跪了下来大哭，对拖着他的人说你们让我再去救一个，求求你们让我再去救一个！我还能再救一个！
看到这个情形所有人都哭了，然而所有人都无计可施，只眼睁睁的看着废墟第二次坍塌。后来，那几个小孩子还是给挖出来了，但是却只有一个还活着。
几个战士听见了就不管了，转头又要往里钻，这时坍塌就发生了，一块巨大的混凝土块眼看就在往下陷，那几个往里转的战士马上给其他的战士死死拖住，两帮人在上面拉扯，最后废墟上的战士们被人拖到了安全地带，一个刚从废墟中带出了一个孩子的战士就跪了下来大哭，对拖着他的人说你们让我再去救一个，求求你们让我再去救一个！我还能再救一个！
看到这个情形所有人都哭了，然而所有人都无计可施，只眼睁睁的看着废墟第二次坍塌。后来，那几个小孩子还是给挖出来了，但是却只有一个还活着。
生死是如此的一线之间
1、地震发生时，我们在成都高新孵化园某栋二楼上班，突然的摇晃，感觉越来越强烈，大多数人第一时间没反应过来是怎么回事，全部从座位上站起来互相打量，其中一位男同事开玩笑：地震，快跑。大家反应过来，一起开跑，我也跟在其中。走到楼道口，有一个女同事站住了，我推她快跑，她却回身张望，等待。后来我才知道，她在等她男友——她男友也是我们同事。那一刻的慌乱中，生死之际，莫名感动。
2、人很多，从五楼开始往下，都在跑楼梯，下到梯口，一个保安正在维持秩序，叫大家不要惊慌，都到中间空坝子里去。那时候依然地震得厉害，走路都走不稳，孵化园楼宇间的高柱间，穿插的钢管互相碰击，像跳绳一样，声音卡卡响，一时呆了，到处都在打电话，全都打不通了。回身一看门口，保安依然在维持秩序：站到中间去，别离楼太近。
3、一个朋友给我讲了一个知名培训公司的事情：2点28分，他们在五楼，当发生地震的时候，同楼层的其他公司全都在惊慌中，这个公司的所有人全部不约而同站了起来，大声吼：不要跑——因为怕共振。然后大家稍安静下来，这些人再组织大家下楼。可以冷静得可怕。
4、好不容易回到家里，东西撒了一地，来不及收拾，都担心余震，拿了衣物和食物，赶快往三环空地跑。出来看到小商店还在开着，心里猜想方便面不会卖到10块了吧？结果没一家涨价。
5、都不敢回家，因为住的是电梯，楼层比较高。于是大家组织在外面过夜了，一齐听车里的声音，电台里说有人需要捐血，而接受捐血的地点只有两个，都离得较远。身边有邻居说话了：走，坐三轮去。走了一会儿又回来了，因为车流太大，确实走不过去。电台又在说：去的人太我了，献血的人已经在排队。那一瞬间突然想哭。
6、手机上WAP，上QQ，到处打电话，有了消息也不敢乱宣布，怕引起惊慌，小心求证，当得知成都已死去50余人，德阳已四百余人，北川7000余人时，有女邻居哭了。眼圈红红的，泪水打转，没哭出声，所有的人静下来听收音机91.4。打听汶川的消息，那种安静，是可怕的安静，我感觉得以自己的心跳。
7、7点左右，三环上一些车子过去，飞快的速度，边上的道走过很多挖挖机，知道是去灾区的，所有的小车子自动让道。又过了一会，20余辆同一外观的，标注公安的车开过去，速度之快，应该在120码左右。全闪烁着灯。我们都知道：那是温总理的车队，因为从机场过来去都江堰，正是这一线。不说是否作秀，一个60多岁的老人了，在我们都在街上担心余震的时候，他去了最前线。
8、消息说交通断了，汶川没消息。又听说有100武警徒步奔向汶川，感动得一塌糊涂：最危险，最辛苦的事，总是子弟兵！
9、遇到一个熟识的邻居，从天府广场那边回来的家，他说路上见到一个交警，嗓音完全哑了，但还是在指挥交通。又说看到华西医院那边上，全是病人，树上挂满了吊瓶。
10、通讯还是中断，突然收到两条消息，一个远在天津的朋友发来消息，一个是广西的朋友发来消息，都在担忧我们是否安全。我回了一个：万分感动，我们安全。
11、继续收听收音机，不断了解灾区消息，听着不断扩大的数字，坐一起的朋友们都显得很沉默，在自然灾害面前，人的生命真的太渺小了。一个朋友轻声说：这次我一定捐款，虽然我工资不高。
12、我不断打家里的电话，不断上GPRS，不断登QQ，不断发消息，没反应，好多亲人朋友的电话都关机，心里一阵阵死沉。突然接到大姐发来的消息：打通老家电话了，几句话后就断了。很严重，房上的瓦片掉了差不多一半，心里格顿一下，完全不知道说什么好！
13、陆续有人在告戒别人，完全不认识的：不要站在电杆下，如果有事发生，大家要抱在一起，最好是趴在地上……我也开始参与过去……
14、收听电台，一个自称是成都车友会的会长的人打通了电话，他说：他们车友会全部车子可以奔赴灾区救援，等待相关部门的一声令下。电台建议说不要，这个时候最重要的是自救有有效组织。会长留下了电话，说等消息，再一会又打进来：我们准备出发！
15、都江堰第一人民医院伤员太多，告急，电台号召出租车过去帮忙，不一会回返回消息说：路上已经完全是绿色的车了，再过一段时间又有消息说：去的出租车太多了，医院已经在组织去别的需要的地方去。有一个出租打进电话讲那边的情况，他已经运了一个伤员到成都来，再次去第二趟。
……
在危难面前，总有很多小人物，小事件，让人感动。我还听到很多消息，包括一个值勤的警察打进电话拜托帮忙打听一下家乡是否安全，因为他离不开身，太多的人想要连夜赶回去汶川，都江堰……好多已经记不全了。
2、人很多，从五楼开始往下，都在跑楼梯，下到梯口，一个保安正在维持秩序，叫大家不要惊慌，都到中间空坝子里去。那时候依然地震得厉害，走路都走不稳，孵化园楼宇间的高柱间，穿插的钢管互相碰击，像跳绳一样，声音卡卡响，一时呆了，到处都在打电话，全都打不通了。回身一看门口，保安依然在维持秩序：站到中间去，别离楼太近。
3、一个朋友给我讲了一个知名培训公司的事情：2点28分，他们在五楼，当发生地震的时候，同楼层的其他公司全都在惊慌中，这个公司的所有人全部不约而同站了起来，大声吼：不要跑——因为怕共振。然后大家稍安静下来，这些人再组织大家下楼。可以冷静得可怕。
4、好不容易回到家里，东西撒了一地，来不及收拾，都担心余震，拿了衣物和食物，赶快往三环空地跑。出来看到小商店还在开着，心里猜想方便面不会卖到10块了吧？结果没一家涨价。
5、都不敢回家，因为住的是电梯，楼层比较高。于是大家组织在外面过夜了，一齐听车里的声音，电台里说有人需要捐血，而接受捐血的地点只有两个，都离得较远。身边有邻居说话了：走，坐三轮去。走了一会儿又回来了，因为车流太大，确实走不过去。电台又在说：去的人太我了，献血的人已经在排队。那一瞬间突然想哭。
6、手机上WAP，上QQ，到处打电话，有了消息也不敢乱宣布，怕引起惊慌，小心求证，当得知成都已死去50余人，德阳已四百余人，北川7000余人时，有女邻居哭了。眼圈红红的，泪水打转，没哭出声，所有的人静下来听收音机91.4。打听汶川的消息，那种安静，是可怕的安静，我感觉得以自己的心跳。
7、7点左右，三环上一些车子过去，飞快的速度，边上的道走过很多挖挖机，知道是去灾区的，所有的小车子自动让道。又过了一会，20余辆同一外观的，标注公安的车开过去，速度之快，应该在120码左右。全闪烁着灯。我们都知道：那是温总理的车队，因为从机场过来去都江堰，正是这一线。不说是否作秀，一个60多岁的老人了，在我们都在街上担心余震的时候，他去了最前线。
8、消息说交通断了，汶川没消息。又听说有100武警徒步奔向汶川，感动得一塌糊涂：最危险，最辛苦的事，总是子弟兵！
9、遇到一个熟识的邻居，从天府广场那边回来的家，他说路上见到一个交警，嗓音完全哑了，但还是在指挥交通。又说看到华西医院那边上，全是病人，树上挂满了吊瓶。
10、通讯还是中断，突然收到两条消息，一个远在天津的朋友发来消息，一个是广西的朋友发来消息，都在担忧我们是否安全。我回了一个：万分感动，我们安全。
11、继续收听收音机，不断了解灾区消息，听着不断扩大的数字，坐一起的朋友们都显得很沉默，在自然灾害面前，人的生命真的太渺小了。一个朋友轻声说：这次我一定捐款，虽然我工资不高。
12、我不断打家里的电话，不断上GPRS，不断登QQ，不断发消息，没反应，好多亲人朋友的电话都关机，心里一阵阵死沉。突然接到大姐发来的消息：打通老家电话了，几句话后就断了。很严重，房上的瓦片掉了差不多一半，心里格顿一下，完全不知道说什么好！
13、陆续有人在告戒别人，完全不认识的：不要站在电杆下，如果有事发生，大家要抱在一起，最好是趴在地上……我也开始参与过去……
14、收听电台，一个自称是成都车友会的会长的人打通了电话，他说：他们车友会全部车子可以奔赴灾区救援，等待相关部门的一声令下。电台建议说不要，这个时候最重要的是自救有有效组织。会长留下了电话，说等消息，再一会又打进来：我们准备出发！
15、都江堰第一人民医院伤员太多，告急，电台号召出租车过去帮忙，不一会回返回消息说：路上已经完全是绿色的车了，再过一段时间又有消息说：去的出租车太多了，医院已经在组织去别的需要的地方去。有一个出租打进电话讲那边的情况，他已经运了一个伤员到成都来，再次去第二趟。
……
在危难面前，总有很多小人物，小事件，让人感动。我还听到很多消息，包括一个值勤的警察打进电话拜托帮忙打听一下家乡是否安全，因为他离不开身，太多的人想要连夜赶回去汶川，都江堰……好多已经记不全了。
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
yeah i finished my exam!!
finished it quite happily, cos i think i did well in the last paper.
how well is it? hmm. i think i'm expecting my 2nd ever A+. cos my CA also quite good. muhahaha.
OVERALL,
i think i did quite well this sem. no failure. no falling below 70. no regrets in finals also, unlike QM1 exam last sem. but marks alone cant say anything, must see how it compares with the rest of the class.
hai, this is the disgusting part. it's like build ur happiness on the sadness of the other ppl =(
i'm going to slack for today. and do some misc stuff. check email reply email send email and stuff. tomorrow have to start working for non-academic matters...
SPIRIT UP!!
the list of things to do in this holiday is very long. too long for a HOLIDAY i think. but i dun like it when i'm too free for even 2 hrs, like now. cos no one share my free-ness.
大豆豆 我想你啦！！
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Saturday, May 03, 2008
with swollen eyes
Saturday, April 26, 2008
a dark afternoon
he is sleeping soundly beside me...
he is leaving. really soon.
...
dun be mistaken. we are at central library now.
he is leaving. really soon.
...
dun be mistaken. we are at central library now.
Friday, April 25, 2008
exam post
状态比较不好
i kno everything as i don't kno.
something is disturbing me greatly.
i keep telling myself dun be so ganjiong and try to study happily. but apparently i failed.
i can feel i'm physically and mentlly perishing inside this study room...
and shit where are you
i kno everything as i don't kno.
something is disturbing me greatly.
i keep telling myself dun be so ganjiong and try to study happily. but apparently i failed.
i can feel i'm physically and mentlly perishing inside this study room...
and shit where are you
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
just want to write something...
had not a very happy day.
i see i was enjoying the relationship too much. well i tot i dun need to worry too much, just follow my feeling.
but then hey of course, i have no problem pretending. really. i was just too unpretended. u saw it, i was still smiling and laughing and holding ur hand when u said all those, wasnt i? like i really dun mind.
somehow it feels like 3 March 2007, on the A2 bus, when i hold that hand tightly for the last time, smiling and telling him to say to me for the last time i love you. then alight, walk and walk without turning back.
yes yes i will not be so thoughtless any more. i shld understand the world doesnt go with my rules only, no matter how nice the rules are. there are other 6 billion ppl around, with their preferred rules. and of course i won't die of pretending. ppl pretend all the time, isnt it.
just that hmm i have to start this when u r about to leave. when we r supposed to treasure the limited time together and be closer, in the sense. bit ironic yah. but then again, who knows, it may help alleviate the uncomfortableness after u leave. always look at the bright side of life.
looks like i really treat here like a rubbish bin. haha, cos time has proven that here has only 2 readers, including myself.
just a side note, i dun imply a break-up in any way. i'm still in love, just that i may have to, erm, stay a bit further away.
exam period. no useless thought.
i see i was enjoying the relationship too much. well i tot i dun need to worry too much, just follow my feeling.
but then hey of course, i have no problem pretending. really. i was just too unpretended. u saw it, i was still smiling and laughing and holding ur hand when u said all those, wasnt i? like i really dun mind.
somehow it feels like 3 March 2007, on the A2 bus, when i hold that hand tightly for the last time, smiling and telling him to say to me for the last time i love you. then alight, walk and walk without turning back.
yes yes i will not be so thoughtless any more. i shld understand the world doesnt go with my rules only, no matter how nice the rules are. there are other 6 billion ppl around, with their preferred rules. and of course i won't die of pretending. ppl pretend all the time, isnt it.
just that hmm i have to start this when u r about to leave. when we r supposed to treasure the limited time together and be closer, in the sense. bit ironic yah. but then again, who knows, it may help alleviate the uncomfortableness after u leave. always look at the bright side of life.
looks like i really treat here like a rubbish bin. haha, cos time has proven that here has only 2 readers, including myself.
just a side note, i dun imply a break-up in any way. i'm still in love, just that i may have to, erm, stay a bit further away.
exam period. no useless thought.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
laptop reinstalled!!
thx dear~~
now finally IE7 and office2007. ball u dun hv to laugh at me le... lol
and finally can access gmail and blogger le... =)
now reading week already. jut started mugging tonite 8 o'clock. before that was slacking...
just now was calling my mum. knew something jz said and am angry now!
NOT HAPPY!
now finally IE7 and office2007. ball u dun hv to laugh at me le... lol
and finally can access gmail and blogger le... =)
now reading week already. jut started mugging tonite 8 o'clock. before that was slacking...
just now was calling my mum. knew something jz said and am angry now!
NOT HAPPY!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
a not-too-late post?
ok i thought i very long time never blog le. but then after counting i realised it's been only 2 weeks. haha. not that bad, in the sense =)
but well, certainly a lot of things happened during the two weekz.........
Dance Uncensored 2008. the show that tortures us dancers for the past 2 months finally ended. and they didnt get UCC hall, so we had to perform TWICE in the theater as a result. led to a super tiring day... whole day at UCC...
was only in 1 item. thankful of that, cos if i'm in even one more i would hv a lot more frustration on no time to study and do other stuff. but then i'm the lead of that item =.= and most of the time i'm in the center of the stage doing different things from the rest, and expect the audience to look at me (so AA right). andd because its a sword dance featuring a heroin (who is unfortunately played by me), i was forced to put on a wig =,= =,= =,=
enuf nonsense... dun feel like writing now....
all i want to say is... the show was superb! =) especially for KE dancers!!!! yes, we definitely stood out among all. my item turn out to be good =) and the wig never drop XD
and of course we took lots of pics. wil put up once i manage to login my gmail and blogger acct on my laptop =.= yes yes i dunno why gmail and blogger dun let me sign in
then the day after DU is hall DnD. went together with zhe. nothing special happen, just a normal DnD. a lot of pictures also. can i say zhe is handsome and i am pretty? ok i must be going crazy.
oyah we performed on NUS open house. wushu i mean. the training was xiong again. plus dance and studies, maybe that explains my lack of entries. yah that's about it.
another news is, zhe is flying off 2 May, instead of 7 Apr. so we have slightly more time together. actually not. the additional one month will be full of CA2, project deadlines and presentations and revisions for exams. some days we can only see each other during breakfast and at ard 1am before sleep. but its ok. i'm thankful that he is still near. well hope he feels the same way LOL
ok i think i won't be blogging for another long period of time. 6 CAs and 2 projects due in the next 3 weeks. and, can i shout here, I HATE MY BIOPHYSICS PROJECT GROUP.
oh and, to ball ball. you will squeeze out de. i have faith in you. (although u r very round LOL)
but well, certainly a lot of things happened during the two weekz.........
Dance Uncensored 2008. the show that tortures us dancers for the past 2 months finally ended. and they didnt get UCC hall, so we had to perform TWICE in the theater as a result. led to a super tiring day... whole day at UCC...
was only in 1 item. thankful of that, cos if i'm in even one more i would hv a lot more frustration on no time to study and do other stuff. but then i'm the lead of that item =.= and most of the time i'm in the center of the stage doing different things from the rest, and expect the audience to look at me (so AA right). andd because its a sword dance featuring a heroin (who is unfortunately played by me), i was forced to put on a wig =,= =,= =,=
enuf nonsense... dun feel like writing now....
all i want to say is... the show was superb! =) especially for KE dancers!!!! yes, we definitely stood out among all. my item turn out to be good =) and the wig never drop XD
and of course we took lots of pics. wil put up once i manage to login my gmail and blogger acct on my laptop =.= yes yes i dunno why gmail and blogger dun let me sign in
then the day after DU is hall DnD. went together with zhe. nothing special happen, just a normal DnD. a lot of pictures also. can i say zhe is handsome and i am pretty? ok i must be going crazy.
oyah we performed on NUS open house. wushu i mean. the training was xiong again. plus dance and studies, maybe that explains my lack of entries. yah that's about it.
another news is, zhe is flying off 2 May, instead of 7 Apr. so we have slightly more time together. actually not. the additional one month will be full of CA2, project deadlines and presentations and revisions for exams. some days we can only see each other during breakfast and at ard 1am before sleep. but its ok. i'm thankful that he is still near. well hope he feels the same way LOL
ok i think i won't be blogging for another long period of time. 6 CAs and 2 projects due in the next 3 weeks. and, can i shout here, I HATE MY BIOPHYSICS PROJECT GROUP.
oh and, to ball ball. you will squeeze out de. i have faith in you. (although u r very round LOL)
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
die Woche
it's the start of a new week!
I just had the most 'slacking' weekend since the start of this semester. despite the frequent occurance of the feeling of rushing for work, cos i'm too used to it =.=
the last week was also packed. 3 CAs and a report due, with VIVA. got dance and wushu also. but considering i had such a dream-like recess week, i decided everything is worthwhile.
LOL
the struggle last week was of course tough, and my mood was down and up and down also. but now i'm quite happy, think mainly because the marks for all of the 4 tests before the break and 2 out of the 3 tests after the break were out, and i did not that bad. score a 98 for biophysics II and happily became the 1st in class some more. wahaha. 1st time in my NUS life.
the 1 left was German. the test was not hard. i tot i didnt commit any mistake until just now. found i had 1 mistake. haiz haiz. but that's because the part we havnt learnt yet! dunno why it appears in the test in a subtle way.
another thing tt makes me happy is zhe =). he is busy and perhaps stressed, but i can feel his love all the time. hey, hope you can feel mine all the time also =)
cleared wushu account and rested a bit over the weekend. watched 'L' with zhe on saturday night. trainings on both days for NUS open house. Zhe hurt his knee =( take care k, at least make sure u can perform XD
oh, yah. something make me very sad. wushu coach fee. i think i left a very bad impression on Cai Laoshi and Guo Laoshi already. this fact really disturbs me a lot... A lot. All i can do now is trying to get everything ok, but i know impression cant change le...
T.T
special apology to ah Ball, who i think have already successfully baked the 1st cake in her life? hoe did it go? my birthday is near (well, in less than one year XD) so prepare another round ok... u should be more experienced by then haha...
this week is again packed. think it applied to everyone? i've no more CAs for the time being but my projects are running out of time!!
fight!
I just had the most 'slacking' weekend since the start of this semester. despite the frequent occurance of the feeling of rushing for work, cos i'm too used to it =.=
the last week was also packed. 3 CAs and a report due, with VIVA. got dance and wushu also. but considering i had such a dream-like recess week, i decided everything is worthwhile.
LOL
the struggle last week was of course tough, and my mood was down and up and down also. but now i'm quite happy, think mainly because the marks for all of the 4 tests before the break and 2 out of the 3 tests after the break were out, and i did not that bad. score a 98 for biophysics II and happily became the 1st in class some more. wahaha. 1st time in my NUS life.
the 1 left was German. the test was not hard. i tot i didnt commit any mistake until just now. found i had 1 mistake. haiz haiz. but that's because the part we havnt learnt yet! dunno why it appears in the test in a subtle way.
another thing tt makes me happy is zhe =). he is busy and perhaps stressed, but i can feel his love all the time. hey, hope you can feel mine all the time also =)
cleared wushu account and rested a bit over the weekend. watched 'L' with zhe on saturday night. trainings on both days for NUS open house. Zhe hurt his knee =( take care k, at least make sure u can perform XD
oh, yah. something make me very sad. wushu coach fee. i think i left a very bad impression on Cai Laoshi and Guo Laoshi already. this fact really disturbs me a lot... A lot. All i can do now is trying to get everything ok, but i know impression cant change le...
T.T
special apology to ah Ball, who i think have already successfully baked the 1st cake in her life? hoe did it go? my birthday is near (well, in less than one year XD) so prepare another round ok... u should be more experienced by then haha...
this week is again packed. think it applied to everyone? i've no more CAs for the time being but my projects are running out of time!!
fight!
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Wonderful wonderful happiness
Let the pictures do the talk.
he brought to the airport real roses. love it.
A pretty duck couple on West Lake
一潭印月
cant believe you can be so handsome LOL
.
.
.
in front of one of the buildings in zhe's high school. i like the two sayings on the wall.
.
.
.
in zhe's house. he is so dark because he was holding the cemera and his finger blocked half of the flash XD
.
.
.
5+am. stuck ouside the closed airport (which is supposed to be 24hrs??)
he brought to the airport real roses. love it.
A pretty duck couple on West Lake.
.
一潭印月.
.
pretty little basket with nice rice dessert. the empty basket is now hanging on my notice board. the basket smells really nice =)
.
.
cant believe you can be so handsome LOL.
.
.
in front of one of the buildings in zhe's high school. i like the two sayings on the wall..
.
.
in zhe's house. he is so dark because he was holding the cemera and his finger blocked half of the flash XD.
.
.
5+am. stuck ouside the closed airport (which is supposed to be 24hrs??).
.
.
.
.
.
i dunno how to describe the happiness in this one week.
it was simply too happy.
too happy until on the day we were back, i was really really depressed... things look like hell when i compare them with the happiness!
of course now i'm much better. time heals haha.
i love zhe in his winter clothes. love his house. love his parents and grandparents. love his warm bed (he slept in his sister's room haha). love the hill. love his echo in the hill. love the 烤饼，兔头 and 麻辣烫. love the city itself. love the feeling when zhe bring me out on bicycle, and i put my hands into his pockets.
i want to stay... 那么安逸，冷得那么温暖的生活。
Saturday, February 23, 2008
I'm proud of myself!! =)
the past one week has been hectic... really. but i made it through!
YEP sales matters, wushu training for external culture performance and the performance itself, QM2 test on monday, classical mech, thermo and german test on thursday, dance practices and DU audition, YEP booth on KE bazaar, and homeworks for other modules...
i'm proud to say i have done all of them! and i finished studying and did my best for the tests. and i'm still on schedule with all the tutorials.
and taking into consideration that, i've got menstruration cramp started on monday, in the mist of all these bullshits.
the YEP bazaar could be done better if i'v got more time to organise. didnt managed to do enough publicity of the project itself. but i really couldnt find anyway to do it... i'm simply overloaded.
on 10 feb, 2 weeks ago a sunday i got this sudden thought that i decided to fly to Quzhou during the sem break. to meet zhe, and to meet his family also. guess i was too stressed... really want to do something crazy to destress haha. plus he is leaving for two years. this might be the last chance in these two years to meet his family together with him.
was excited by this idea of myself. told zhe and he was suprised and happy too. so i went to buy the ticket two days after. had some argument with parents over this issue, which added onto my stress during the week. i was soooo terribly down on this monday, after i talked to my parents, who were really against this trip, on msn. really couldnt do work. luckily zhe went online, i got to call him and i left the connection on while i was doing homework. i remember that was biophysics tutorial 2... which made me work til 3am+...
this tues and wed i slpt 8 hrs in total, chionging for my CAs. on thurs after my lesson fr 8am to 8pm, during which 3 tests happened, was DU audition. btw all our items passed the audition =) then went to support my block event. then stil had to train for fridays IHG closing ceremony... slpt at 1+ again, bear in mind i got 8am class on fri.
fri whole day was packed also. 8am class, then went to meet supplier to collect more stuff, then back to booth for a while, went back to take notes for lab which started at 2, then back to room prepare for IHG closing, then go to SRC, wait and perform. was not a smooth performance, and i fell at the centre of the canvas. wow. after back called home and had project meeting. then wushu supper. then i was knocked out already.
wah. such a long 流水账.
just want to say i hv done a lot in the week. cheers for myself =)
and today i went to watch ah long pte. ltd. quite a fun movie. thanks shin for the accompany and sharing of joy ^^
just back from tuition. later going to have project meeting. then gotta preparing for my trip to Quzhou tomorrow =)
c u soon dear
YEP sales matters, wushu training for external culture performance and the performance itself, QM2 test on monday, classical mech, thermo and german test on thursday, dance practices and DU audition, YEP booth on KE bazaar, and homeworks for other modules...
i'm proud to say i have done all of them! and i finished studying and did my best for the tests. and i'm still on schedule with all the tutorials.
and taking into consideration that, i've got menstruration cramp started on monday, in the mist of all these bullshits.
the YEP bazaar could be done better if i'v got more time to organise. didnt managed to do enough publicity of the project itself. but i really couldnt find anyway to do it... i'm simply overloaded.
on 10 feb, 2 weeks ago a sunday i got this sudden thought that i decided to fly to Quzhou during the sem break. to meet zhe, and to meet his family also. guess i was too stressed... really want to do something crazy to destress haha. plus he is leaving for two years. this might be the last chance in these two years to meet his family together with him.
was excited by this idea of myself. told zhe and he was suprised and happy too. so i went to buy the ticket two days after. had some argument with parents over this issue, which added onto my stress during the week. i was soooo terribly down on this monday, after i talked to my parents, who were really against this trip, on msn. really couldnt do work. luckily zhe went online, i got to call him and i left the connection on while i was doing homework. i remember that was biophysics tutorial 2... which made me work til 3am+...
this tues and wed i slpt 8 hrs in total, chionging for my CAs. on thurs after my lesson fr 8am to 8pm, during which 3 tests happened, was DU audition. btw all our items passed the audition =) then went to support my block event. then stil had to train for fridays IHG closing ceremony... slpt at 1+ again, bear in mind i got 8am class on fri.
fri whole day was packed also. 8am class, then went to meet supplier to collect more stuff, then back to booth for a while, went back to take notes for lab which started at 2, then back to room prepare for IHG closing, then go to SRC, wait and perform. was not a smooth performance, and i fell at the centre of the canvas. wow. after back called home and had project meeting. then wushu supper. then i was knocked out already.
wah. such a long 流水账.
just want to say i hv done a lot in the week. cheers for myself =)
and today i went to watch ah long pte. ltd. quite a fun movie. thanks shin for the accompany and sharing of joy ^^
just back from tuition. later going to have project meeting. then gotta preparing for my trip to Quzhou tomorrow =)
c u soon dear
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Monday, February 11, 2008
Saturday, February 09, 2008
days go by
it has been long.
and really a lot of things happened.
my parents came and left.
zhe flied back to China.
yuanlin came to KE7 wushu.
XQ. Chinese Drama.
and one day i was suddenly inspired somehow and realised hey i can let go =)
mom and dad's stay was a tiring but sweet period of time.
XQ... jiayou.
CD was good.
and i think i should get myself out of this.
this morning parents left. very deserted. alone for the whole day, barely talked.
mug in lib til it closes. then got the strong urge of calling zhe.
after trying 2 expired cards, i went look for other ppl to borrow.
after it failed again, i logon to skype and paid by my credit card 10 euro.
after i tried 3 times, he picks up =)
zhe, thank you.
from now on its again a hectic 2 weeks.
3 CAs, 2 performances, dance practices, YEP marketing and bazzar, all squeezed before 22 Feb.
jiayou gal.
and really a lot of things happened.
my parents came and left.
zhe flied back to China.
yuanlin came to KE7 wushu.
XQ. Chinese Drama.
and one day i was suddenly inspired somehow and realised hey i can let go =)
mom and dad's stay was a tiring but sweet period of time.
XQ... jiayou.
CD was good.
and i think i should get myself out of this.
this morning parents left. very deserted. alone for the whole day, barely talked.
mug in lib til it closes. then got the strong urge of calling zhe.
after trying 2 expired cards, i went look for other ppl to borrow.
after it failed again, i logon to skype and paid by my credit card 10 euro.
after i tried 3 times, he picks up =)
zhe, thank you.
from now on its again a hectic 2 weeks.
3 CAs, 2 performances, dance practices, YEP marketing and bazzar, all squeezed before 22 Feb.
jiayou gal.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
start it brand new
其实与他并不是很陌生。
但是我不是sm2，所以好像不应该跟他有什么关系，更不应该跟着瞎搅合，一点悲伤也会让人觉得充满了应酬性质，是不是？
不过我不准备管这些。
我们交谈虽然不多，但是一点都没有客套和虚伪的成分。
就凭这点。
很突然。没有任何前因就到了后果。
不想做任何猜测和推断，尤其是不负责任的。是因为两年多前相似的事件。
死亡神圣。除了尊重，活着的人不应该有其他任何态度。
我相信他一定有他的理由。所以没关系，你只是早了一点离开。大家谁又不是过客。能摆脱那些讨厌的人应该是件开心的事 =)
作为一个萍水之交的朋友，请你走好。
and start it brand new.
唯一担心的，是你的父母亲人吧。不知道我能做什么。但真的希望一切都会好好的。虽然将心比心，这伤口几乎不可能愈合。
但是我不是sm2，所以好像不应该跟他有什么关系，更不应该跟着瞎搅合，一点悲伤也会让人觉得充满了应酬性质，是不是？
不过我不准备管这些。
我们交谈虽然不多，但是一点都没有客套和虚伪的成分。
就凭这点。
很突然。没有任何前因就到了后果。
不想做任何猜测和推断，尤其是不负责任的。是因为两年多前相似的事件。
死亡神圣。除了尊重，活着的人不应该有其他任何态度。
我相信他一定有他的理由。所以没关系，你只是早了一点离开。大家谁又不是过客。能摆脱那些讨厌的人应该是件开心的事 =)
作为一个萍水之交的朋友，请你走好。
and start it brand new.
唯一担心的，是你的父母亲人吧。不知道我能做什么。但真的希望一切都会好好的。虽然将心比心，这伤口几乎不可能愈合。
Friday, January 18, 2008
am i wrong
getting tired.
累……了？
压力
敏感
保护
自尊
压力
压力
压力
压力
压力
压力
压力
那种一直拼命在抵抗，轻而易举就被压回，又拼命反抗的感觉。真的很累。
很累很累很累很累很累很累！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！
自己心理给的压力，比什么都让人精疲力竭。
难道我又做了错的决定。
但是好像又是因为我太烂的缘故？
说白了，我就是无法忍受这个事实。
认输？不认输？
都没有什么好结果。
要不 就心里憋屈一辈子
要不 就累一生
累……了？
压力
敏感
保护
自尊
压力
压力
压力
压力
压力
压力
压力
那种一直拼命在抵抗，轻而易举就被压回，又拼命反抗的感觉。真的很累。
很累很累很累很累很累很累！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！
自己心理给的压力，比什么都让人精疲力竭。
难道我又做了错的决定。
但是好像又是因为我太烂的缘故？
说白了，我就是无法忍受这个事实。
认输？不认输？
都没有什么好结果。
要不 就心里憋屈一辈子
要不 就累一生
Sunday, January 13, 2008
stay
i realise i dun like his confidence.
really really dun like.
i feel like pouring icy-cold water everytime i see he starts his narssicism. maybe a not-so-terrible version of narssicism.
dunno why.
i shldnt feel it this way.
===
words.
yah words. not even promises.
it's good for me to know that not all the words he said are going to be realised. and i'm constantly reminding myself about this.
i tell myself hey girl, u can just listen, and appreciate the fact that he actually bother to say those words, and then dun believe a nut of it.
but the fact that he has said those words always gives an expectation. no matter how low it is, it is still an EXPECTATION.
====
我们想不犯错误，不留伤害。是因为都曾经被伤过么？
所以我们早早把一切挑明，早早对甜言蜜语加以解释，早早及时批判自己之前说一些话时的不成熟， 早早逼自己和对方直面现实。
是为了不留伤害，还是为自己留一条退路？
只是我不知道，我们是不是得到了想要的结果。
====
想让自己不在乎。
你不在乎，我就更不在乎。
你不会不顾一切，我就更不会。
你肯定的说你不会为了我放弃一切，我就更肯定更快的说我也不会。
我不想落下风。
算是之前的教训么？
笑。
现在还稍微有一点逼自己的味道。
别太留恋你的怀抱，别太留恋你的吻，别太留恋你拥着我的手。
希望会越来越习惯，直到自然。
====
已经只有很少的人可以看到这里。
我不想在这里写字还要有所顾忌。
=====
我就是一个太放不下的人！！！！！
说了那么多废话，我什么时候才能真正做到？？？？？？
really really dun like.
i feel like pouring icy-cold water everytime i see he starts his narssicism. maybe a not-so-terrible version of narssicism.
dunno why.
i shldnt feel it this way.
===
words.
yah words. not even promises.
it's good for me to know that not all the words he said are going to be realised. and i'm constantly reminding myself about this.
i tell myself hey girl, u can just listen, and appreciate the fact that he actually bother to say those words, and then dun believe a nut of it.
but the fact that he has said those words always gives an expectation. no matter how low it is, it is still an EXPECTATION.
====
我们想不犯错误，不留伤害。是因为都曾经被伤过么？
所以我们早早把一切挑明，早早对甜言蜜语加以解释，早早及时批判自己之前说一些话时的不成熟， 早早逼自己和对方直面现实。
是为了不留伤害，还是为自己留一条退路？
只是我不知道，我们是不是得到了想要的结果。
====
想让自己不在乎。
你不在乎，我就更不在乎。
你不会不顾一切，我就更不会。
你肯定的说你不会为了我放弃一切，我就更肯定更快的说我也不会。
我不想落下风。
算是之前的教训么？
笑。
现在还稍微有一点逼自己的味道。
别太留恋你的怀抱，别太留恋你的吻，别太留恋你拥着我的手。
希望会越来越习惯，直到自然。
====
已经只有很少的人可以看到这里。
我不想在这里写字还要有所顾忌。
=====
我就是一个太放不下的人！！！！！
说了那么多废话，我什么时候才能真正做到？？？？？？
=不知道是对还是错
我只是 不想再失去你=
Saturday, January 12, 2008
it is coming near...
spent most of the time these few days with zhe.
teaegg is happy being with zhe =)
====
went vivo walk walk ang had 雪之烧 for dinner the day after i'm back. best dinner i had ever had with zhe. we ate for 2 1/2 hours, from 4:30 to 7+pm wahahahaha
and got this waiter who came to teach us how to make patterns out of the ice-cream frying
great time ^^
====
yesterday spent the whole day at MPSH6 to support zhe in his Sepak Takraw IHG. and be the video woman ;)
we lost to both KR and TH, so couldnt make it to the semifinals. but i was not too sad, so were zhe and his teammates, cos apparently they tried their best and had great fun playing the game. cool match!
====
school starting soon.
feel it gets nearer especially when i think about wushu training starting soon...
and our coaches ran away
4 out of 5 days 8am, 2 days 8pm, 2 level 3 modules.
all the best for myself!
teaegg is happy being with zhe =)
====
went vivo walk walk ang had 雪之烧 for dinner the day after i'm back. best dinner i had ever had with zhe. we ate for 2 1/2 hours, from 4:30 to 7+pm wahahahaha
and got this waiter who came to teach us how to make patterns out of the ice-cream frying
great time ^^
====
yesterday spent the whole day at MPSH6 to support zhe in his Sepak Takraw IHG. and be the video woman ;)
we lost to both KR and TH, so couldnt make it to the semifinals. but i was not too sad, so were zhe and his teammates, cos apparently they tried their best and had great fun playing the game. cool match!
====
school starting soon.
feel it gets nearer especially when i think about wushu training starting soon...
and our coaches ran away
4 out of 5 days 8am, 2 days 8pm, 2 level 3 modules.
all the best for myself!
Friday, January 11, 2008
all holiday entries... thanks to the blogspot ban in China
14 December 2007
回家两天了。渐渐的能吃起来。
从11号独自登上从槟城回新加坡的巴士开始就感觉生活在一个人的世界里，跟外界有发自内心的隔绝。昨天被人拉去唱k，定着一脸僵硬的笑容4个小时后提前退场。
依然像在梦游。
15 December 2007
南京交通依然。
妈妈一边闯红灯一边说‘我这已经算守规矩的了’。
剪了短头发。叫嚣了几个月终于比纸上谈兵进了一步。哈。
16 Dec
竟然流了眼泪。
我以为我过去了。原来是高估。还真的是没用。
为什么不是我？
谢谢哥。
17 Dec
有哥哥真好^^
有球真好^^
我会慢慢不想的。虽然这需要时间……
要学会放手。
像收拾房间时要学会扔东西一样。
等着那一天，我会用几乎整颗心来爱你。
会有那么一天的。
18 Dec
真的很喜欢我的短发！
清爽，轻松，洗头都快好多。
镜子里面的自己精神多了^^
堪称我21年来最满意的发型。
有一个缺点要改正。
还记得OBS最后一天走钢丝的惊心动魄。
放手。放手。
无限期的沉浸在回忆里是傻的。不管那回忆有多美好，跟眼下的现实有多大反差有多让我心口隐隐作痛。
21 Dec
去了还雨家。
他女朋友做的饭。很奇怪，她一个人在厨房里忙，我跟还雨欠扁地窝在他房间说话弹琴。
很舒服很温和的女孩子，笑容很甜。
挺难想象她吸烟的样子，不过确实看到了她吞云吐雾=.=
人各有所好吧。
饭后，三个人在房间，还雨弹吉他，她唱。她把奶茶的吸管送到他嘴边。他弹完了站起来摸摸她的头。
还雨说我要去学音乐了。大四混完就去。
弹琴已经变成他一个下意识的行为。我们说着话说着说着就弹开了。很难想象初中时跟音乐完全不沾边，音乐课还要我教他识谱的小子。
极佩服。
可能乐感还不够，可能vocal还不够强，可能这条路不稳定不轻松。但单只这一点就让我真的是好羡慕。
想想我的泛而不专。我对什么的热情可以到下意识的地步？
浅尝辄止。偶尔稍微深入的也忘了大半了吧。初中到现在，感觉上在原地踏步。
想辙吧。
22 December 2007
昨天接到了哲的好消息。
坦白讲，我并没有什么开心的感觉。
一个原因，毕竟我们还没有到合二为一的地步。当然这方面会进步。
还有一个，大概是我的好胜心作祟。法国最好的大学，3年后就是硕士了。他比我强。恩，有点耿耿于怀。说嫉妒重了点儿，不爽还是有的。
于是也开始蠢蠢欲动，开始规划之后可能的比较光荣的但会特别坎坷的道路。不过现在也确实到了要规划一下的时候。不能总这么懵懂下去。
我妈看到我这样倒是挺开心的，说哎哟他再怎么样至少也有这个好，能激励激励你。
微妙的心理上的变化，带来的并不是如何好的心情。
想着的是，如果我对他会有这样的心理，我还能说服我自己我喜欢他么？这根本就是对一个外人才会有的心态。
当然我需要批判一下自己。不管对谁，这种眼睛看着别人不爽来不爽去争来争取的心态是不对的。是不是忘了自己说的，最最重要的是有用，做个好人，而不是名阿利阿。何必呢是吧。不以物喜，不以己悲呀要。
这个境界有点高。我是对它悠然神往，但具体怎么到达还需要继续修身养性校正心态。其实道理都懂。只是运用还需要时间。知易行难。
就跟承受离开一样。
对了，最后一个原因，是哲的离开突然变得近在咫尺了吧。当他在电话里说，下学期我会很轻松阿，因为期末考试的时候我已经在法国了。
What can I say. What can I do.
I will stay here, keep striving, force myself to concentrate and motivate myself with your success, so that I will have no time (well, little time maybe) to think about our sweet moments.
23 Dec 2007
Read Kelvin’s blog. Feeling warm, and feeling like giving out warmth.
Really glad that he received what I sent, and what I did really had some effect in comforting, distressing and encouraging him.
I played a part in making him happy and giving him warmth!
Significance of my existence in this world.
Really, I cant describe how 欣慰 and happy I am when I saw those words with my name in it. Although it’s just two sentences…
He is such a nice guy that worth everyone’s care and concern, because he always give other people care and concern first without even expecting any return.
比如，当我欠扁地在考试前一天在他特别忙的时候占用他的宝贵时间缠着他问问题。还有几乎每次考试前的激励。还有考试之后的询问，得知我觉得考得不好的时候为了让我觉得舒服点儿的自我贬低，知道我烦我心情不好时特别无偿地挺身而出做我的垃圾桶。
当然，还有特别够朋友的冲我发泄，挨我的揍，哈哈。
还有他那些有福气的tuitees，无论他自己的学业或其他事情有多忙，甚至于第二天就有考试，他的tuition从没断过，甚至于一个礼拜5天都有。不是为了赚钱，是为了tuitee他们要考试了。
还有每个人都能看到和感受到的，他总挂在脸上的很温和的微笑，不管他的眼里有多深的疲惫，脸上的痘痘有多泛滥。
My friend, really hope that you can be happier.
Hope more people can feel it from me.
And also I can feel it from more people…
清醒，温暖，坚强。
24 Dec
感觉时间过得很快很快很快。天5点多就黑透了这个事实使这日子过得甚至带上了唰~ 唰~ 唰~ 的声音。
弹完了《珊瑚海》，只是还欠熟练。又给自己加了一首千与千寻。希望走之前能练完。那首是真好听。
又请哥帮忙，昨天，这回是SEP的online acceptance。真是够不好意思的，怎么老是我在请人家帮忙。哥你下回没事也要找点事出来让我帮帮阿！
相机的manual尚未读完，想想还有ipod的，哎哟那个头疼。不行，要坚持，我们要求知，要严谨 =,=
不怎么在意圣诞夜，不是我的节日。不过意外收到好几个merry christmas，呵呵，至少有人在快乐的时候想起我^^
Thanks bro wuhong, shawn, long yuan, guangtong (super long never see le… surprised!), tweety and jiahui!
Miss u dear =)
平安夜希望可以平安眠~
27 Dec
看成绩之前有点强作镇定的味道。呵呵。
QM真的是A。有点吓到，这个在final过后让我如此郁闷甚至两夜睡不好的module竟然给了我这个结果。不过还是想说，其实可以更好的。
EM的结果合理。考虑到两个CA的排名。Final应该pull up了一些。要怪学期开始时的轻敌。
Experimental不够意思。怎么就多一个minus 呢！我没觉得我哪里出岔子了阿。
Genetics惜败。记录没法保持了。
Painting这个USP module延续了我的一贯传统。加强了我的‘泛’，仅此而已。成绩放一边吧，学得还是挺有意思的。
Foundations of Engineering不拿A我也不用混了。所以也没什么可说的。
总之，揭晓后这是一个没什么可说的成绩。惊喜失望都有但都只有那么一点点，而且好像还互相填补了，给出一条没什么波动的直线。CAP跟我自己一样，在原地踏步。
昨天唱了一天的that’s how you know。
How does she know that you love her?
How do you show her you love her?
…
Well does he leave a little note to tell you you are on his mind?
Give you yellow flowers when the sky is grey-ey~~
He’ll find his own way to show you
A little bit everyday~~~~
That’s how you know
That’s how you know
He’s your love…
一个人在家，索性放开嗓子唱。唱好多歌。大喜，大悲，唱甜美，唱可爱，唱伤怀。唱它个稀里哗啦。
我很喜欢唱歌。我应该喜欢去唱K的。但我不喜欢去KTV。
包厢里的人会很多，但没有一个人会认真听另外一个人的歌，唱歌的心情。大家一门心思的自己唱。没有感情地发出完美的声音。然后在别人唱的时候充耳不闻的吼着交谈，打闹，大笑，选歌，催台上的人快点唱完。最后开始每首歌唱一段然后跳！唱一段然后跳！唱一段然后跳！
是我对场地概念的理解错误。KTV本来就不是个演出或看演出的地方。它是给人简单地用声音发泄的。没有义务有什么美感。
28 Dec
转的。
说好永远的，不知怎么就散了。最后自己想来想去竟然也搞不清当初是什么原因分开彼此的。然后，你忽然醒悟，感情原来是这么脆弱的。经得起风雨，却经不起平凡；风雨同船，天晴便各自散了。也许只是赌气，也许只是因为小小的事。幻想着和好的甜蜜，或重逢时的拥抱，那个时候会是边流泪边捶打对方，还傻笑着。该是多美的画面。
没想到的是，一别竟是一辈子了。
于是，各有各的生活，各自爱着别的人。曾经相爱，现在已互不相干。
即使在同一个小小的城市，也不曾再相逢。某一天某一刻，走在同一条街，也看不见对方。先是感叹，后来是无奈。
也许你很幸福，因为找到另一个适合自己的人。
也许你不幸福，因为可能你这一生就只有那个人真正用心在你身上。
很久很久，没有对方的消息，也不再想起这个人，也是不想再想起,不愿再想起。
人总得学会遗忘，要不只能自我伤害
==
看到成千上万的人生活的艰辛，心里痛骂自己的矫情和身在福中不知福。
回到自己的世界，又无法抑制的为感情阿分数阿这些破事伤怀。
然后在又看到别人的艰辛时痛骂自己到底有什么资格讲那些无关紧要的话。
或许这两者本来就不能相提并论。
只是决定以后每天尽量多吃点那个摊子的羊肉串。
1 Jan 2008
新年快乐。
去年的最后一天还是有开心的部分的。又见到了兔子，丁玮，金和尚，还有老公王欣悦。再加上大Q，李奕璋，大脸，还有不少见面的王鹏夫妇跟小毕。更开心的是我们并非没有话讲，因为大家都彻底地没有变。
‘杀人’正酣时依依惜别。
之后去的郝叔叔的地盘。
那球场，那顿饭，那歌舞厅。那叫一个奢华。
越来越有反感的情绪，当上菜的服务员手脚麻利地撤下还装着半盘食物的盘子，当饭桌上烟雾肆无忌惮地弥漫，当他们唱歌的声音湖对岸都能听见，不用说2楼的客房。
还有，当老妈告诉我他的办公室有100多平方还有浴室卧房，电脑是最好的配置但是只有两个文件夹的几张照片。
I think I shall quote what I wrote to junzhe in todays email.
“then went for dinner, also with my father's friends. the place is luxurious, and the dishes too. the worst is, the waitress didnt wait until each dish plate is empty before she took away the plate. and also when she took away our plates. that's such a lot of wastage!! and no one protested. no one even attempted to eat faster and try to finish any dish also. except me. i just kept eating eating eating, cos i really dun want to waste food!!
seriously i felt very uncomfortable. yes they are rich, but their affluence makes them looks like 暴发户 rather than being really in a more civilised class. if i knew the 饭局 would be like this i wouldnt have come. but since i came i must eat more so that less is wasted.
o shit i hv such a lot to 感慨 about this luxurious place where we played table tennis and eat dinner and then sang KTV. it is v big, u have to drive to get around. where does the money come from?? why everything need to be so high class when it doesnt need to be so cos haa no one knows exactly how to use it? why the money cannot be put in ways better than showing off?”
and the funny thing is they kept talking about health, healthy diet, should take care of health more than work blah blah blah. Well, u all just have to drive less and walk or cycle more, eat less abalone, smoke and drink less. And I really dun think u all got work a lot. All those people who did the work and really get tired helping u earn money don’t get to enjoy what u r enjoying now.
还好，我没跟这帮人一起跨过新的一年。
相对而言，我老爸老妈真顺眼阿~~ 亲亲。
1 January 2008
为什么？？
为什么？
为什么我跟谁在一块儿谁就从此不上线了？
为什么我不跟谁在一块儿谁就上线上得那叫一个勤？
我是不是太好说话了？
告诉你们吧，其实我心眼儿特小特小特小！！！我介意，非常介意！！我就是想撒娇，想使小性子，想若即若离，想欲擒故纵，想爱情三十六计，怎么着了吧！
发泄完了。
一切照旧。
为什么新年第一天是这种帖子……
郁闷。
Ok I’m going to follow what it is.
I’m not going to pretend oh my god I love you so much like even more than u do.
Cos it is simply not true.
Why I always have to show my ‘greatness’ or something like that?
I dun understand, I’m not considerate, I’m not going to do everything just for your one smile; I love to create trouble, I love to add pressure, I love to make ur life harder!
Or, unfortunately, that’s my nature.
My nature makes me suffer, especially in relationships. Ha. Cant believe those words come from my mouth. I’ve been long thinking those were virtues and I was so proud of being an understanding, considerate, supportive girl.
Enough.
Wtf. I just feel like posting things. Bad things. Bad bad things. The darkest side of me. Like shouting. Vulgarities.
I think I will work harder on my Swedish.
Until one day I can post entries which no one understands. People get insulted when they hear my vulgarities, right? Although they cannot take away my freedom of speech.
6 January 2008
一不小心就空了几天没写了。
2号心血来潮设计了一个YEP的logo。原来只是在笔记本上随便涂涂，后来第二次心血来潮找了张白纸正儿八经地画了个颇正式的，还上色了。第二天严肃地扫描了寄给trixie和charlie。结果，竟然，没想到，被赏识了~ 奸笑一个。
导致的结果就是—我不要读物理了！我要读建筑！！！
于事无补地吼叫一下。
3号一个人回了金陵一趟。犹豫了一下还是没叫其他人。为了进门打电话给翁德强，看不出阿这小子也升迁教学部主任了。在楼梯口遇到了还雨爸爸陈老师。然后进了王守明办公室。聊天之间老翁竟然在他上课时间打电话来问我要不要去看他们班一个跟我长得很像的学生=,= 总之，这两个人是越来越幽默了，幽默到一种不知道是玩笑还是讽刺的地步。尤其是王守明。唉，可能我自己心里有鬼吧。
袁老师退了，估计宋老师也是。也去看了下戴建良。这个就稍微生疏些了。两个人坐着谦恭有礼地扯了半天。
离开这个曾经对我来说多么重要的地方六年多了。新鲜血液已经换了一轮，连初中部都没了。只有紫藤长廊还在。科学馆还在。留着我那时的样子。
对了，给我的laptop买了件像样的衣服 ^^ 个人很喜欢。能在南京看到真难得。
4号，跟老爸妈妈和菲姐姐去南大打球。开始妈跟菲姐没来，我就跟老爸和一帮老头子打篮球。进了几个，手感还是不行。关键是我根本不敢跑，鞋底不是一般的滑，想往前跑倒往后退，搞得别人还以为我水平太差。差是差，不过还没到太差吧。不过我也承认，打比赛我确实不行。没心理素质没经验。
后来就打羽毛球。挺爽的。不过累得我，跑着还得惦记着刹车。主要是手上爽。扇啊扇阿！
然后，第一次骑车带人之后，去老地方吃酸菜鱼。天哪。享受……
之后发生的事情比较惨。
现在没那么郁闷了，主要昨天去修了一下。
我决定再把头发按原型剪短一点好多留点长的余地。图省事就没再去上次去的那家，直接去了老地方附近的。
人都说engineering disaster都是一系列巧合造成的。
我决定再剪一点
+ 我决定在那个小破店剪
+ 在发现我熟悉的那个人已经不在店里的时候我没有出来
+ 我有妈妈和菲姐二人陪同
+ 此二人都是坚信自己对我的理解能力及喜欢表达自己观点的主儿
+ 理发小伙子比较。。。平庸
+ 我高度近视，剪的时候没法监视
+ 理发小伙子按我的要求剪了之后我没有及时喊停
+ 而是听了妈妈的话叫他再剪多一点
=。。。
后面像刷子一样的二大毛。
非常非常郁闷。。。
因为他剪掉的是我21年来最满意的头发！！！
最满意的发型。。。现在好了，也成了最短命的发型。
而且，取而代之的是谁看了都不能不说丑的头发。
真的。剪完了我妈连安慰我的假话都说不出来。
真的是不能看。所以昨天去了之前去的那家修理。
现在还好一点。
昨天搞了条裙子穿。第一条冬裙=.= 还行。配我那第一双靴子。
然后去了二姨家，终于看到了叶珊姐姐结婚的录像，照片，还有王‘子弹’的照片啊哈哈哈。子弹果然巨大。那脸就是一屁股。
婚礼的录像制作的相当不错，跟电影似的。看了这种东西免不了为自己未来的设想一番。我的嘛。。。最好能唯美一点，有点创意，比较难忘，坚决不要花很多钱，越自然越好。。。拉回现实。
最近被module的planning弄到很烦。很多顾虑，很多疑虑，很多email，很慢的网速，很少的回复。
SEP, USP, Biophysics minor, 都去死吧！！！！！
叹一口气。真的很烦。
回家两天了。渐渐的能吃起来。
从11号独自登上从槟城回新加坡的巴士开始就感觉生活在一个人的世界里，跟外界有发自内心的隔绝。昨天被人拉去唱k，定着一脸僵硬的笑容4个小时后提前退场。
依然像在梦游。
15 December 2007
南京交通依然。
妈妈一边闯红灯一边说‘我这已经算守规矩的了’。
剪了短头发。叫嚣了几个月终于比纸上谈兵进了一步。哈。
16 Dec
竟然流了眼泪。
我以为我过去了。原来是高估。还真的是没用。
为什么不是我？
谢谢哥。
17 Dec
有哥哥真好^^
有球真好^^
我会慢慢不想的。虽然这需要时间……
要学会放手。
像收拾房间时要学会扔东西一样。
等着那一天，我会用几乎整颗心来爱你。
会有那么一天的。
18 Dec
真的很喜欢我的短发！
清爽，轻松，洗头都快好多。
镜子里面的自己精神多了^^
堪称我21年来最满意的发型。
有一个缺点要改正。
还记得OBS最后一天走钢丝的惊心动魄。
放手。放手。
无限期的沉浸在回忆里是傻的。不管那回忆有多美好，跟眼下的现实有多大反差有多让我心口隐隐作痛。
21 Dec
去了还雨家。
他女朋友做的饭。很奇怪，她一个人在厨房里忙，我跟还雨欠扁地窝在他房间说话弹琴。
很舒服很温和的女孩子，笑容很甜。
挺难想象她吸烟的样子，不过确实看到了她吞云吐雾=.=
人各有所好吧。
饭后，三个人在房间，还雨弹吉他，她唱。她把奶茶的吸管送到他嘴边。他弹完了站起来摸摸她的头。
还雨说我要去学音乐了。大四混完就去。
弹琴已经变成他一个下意识的行为。我们说着话说着说着就弹开了。很难想象初中时跟音乐完全不沾边，音乐课还要我教他识谱的小子。
极佩服。
可能乐感还不够，可能vocal还不够强，可能这条路不稳定不轻松。但单只这一点就让我真的是好羡慕。
想想我的泛而不专。我对什么的热情可以到下意识的地步？
浅尝辄止。偶尔稍微深入的也忘了大半了吧。初中到现在，感觉上在原地踏步。
想辙吧。
22 December 2007
昨天接到了哲的好消息。
坦白讲，我并没有什么开心的感觉。
一个原因，毕竟我们还没有到合二为一的地步。当然这方面会进步。
还有一个，大概是我的好胜心作祟。法国最好的大学，3年后就是硕士了。他比我强。恩，有点耿耿于怀。说嫉妒重了点儿，不爽还是有的。
于是也开始蠢蠢欲动，开始规划之后可能的比较光荣的但会特别坎坷的道路。不过现在也确实到了要规划一下的时候。不能总这么懵懂下去。
我妈看到我这样倒是挺开心的，说哎哟他再怎么样至少也有这个好，能激励激励你。
微妙的心理上的变化，带来的并不是如何好的心情。
想着的是，如果我对他会有这样的心理，我还能说服我自己我喜欢他么？这根本就是对一个外人才会有的心态。
当然我需要批判一下自己。不管对谁，这种眼睛看着别人不爽来不爽去争来争取的心态是不对的。是不是忘了自己说的，最最重要的是有用，做个好人，而不是名阿利阿。何必呢是吧。不以物喜，不以己悲呀要。
这个境界有点高。我是对它悠然神往，但具体怎么到达还需要继续修身养性校正心态。其实道理都懂。只是运用还需要时间。知易行难。
就跟承受离开一样。
对了，最后一个原因，是哲的离开突然变得近在咫尺了吧。当他在电话里说，下学期我会很轻松阿，因为期末考试的时候我已经在法国了。
What can I say. What can I do.
I will stay here, keep striving, force myself to concentrate and motivate myself with your success, so that I will have no time (well, little time maybe) to think about our sweet moments.
23 Dec 2007
Read Kelvin’s blog. Feeling warm, and feeling like giving out warmth.
Really glad that he received what I sent, and what I did really had some effect in comforting, distressing and encouraging him.
I played a part in making him happy and giving him warmth!
Significance of my existence in this world.
Really, I cant describe how 欣慰 and happy I am when I saw those words with my name in it. Although it’s just two sentences…
He is such a nice guy that worth everyone’s care and concern, because he always give other people care and concern first without even expecting any return.
比如，当我欠扁地在考试前一天在他特别忙的时候占用他的宝贵时间缠着他问问题。还有几乎每次考试前的激励。还有考试之后的询问，得知我觉得考得不好的时候为了让我觉得舒服点儿的自我贬低，知道我烦我心情不好时特别无偿地挺身而出做我的垃圾桶。
当然，还有特别够朋友的冲我发泄，挨我的揍，哈哈。
还有他那些有福气的tuitees，无论他自己的学业或其他事情有多忙，甚至于第二天就有考试，他的tuition从没断过，甚至于一个礼拜5天都有。不是为了赚钱，是为了tuitee他们要考试了。
还有每个人都能看到和感受到的，他总挂在脸上的很温和的微笑，不管他的眼里有多深的疲惫，脸上的痘痘有多泛滥。
My friend, really hope that you can be happier.
Hope more people can feel it from me.
And also I can feel it from more people…
清醒，温暖，坚强。
24 Dec
感觉时间过得很快很快很快。天5点多就黑透了这个事实使这日子过得甚至带上了唰~ 唰~ 唰~ 的声音。
弹完了《珊瑚海》，只是还欠熟练。又给自己加了一首千与千寻。希望走之前能练完。那首是真好听。
又请哥帮忙，昨天，这回是SEP的online acceptance。真是够不好意思的，怎么老是我在请人家帮忙。哥你下回没事也要找点事出来让我帮帮阿！
相机的manual尚未读完，想想还有ipod的，哎哟那个头疼。不行，要坚持，我们要求知，要严谨 =,=
不怎么在意圣诞夜，不是我的节日。不过意外收到好几个merry christmas，呵呵，至少有人在快乐的时候想起我^^
Thanks bro wuhong, shawn, long yuan, guangtong (super long never see le… surprised!), tweety and jiahui!
Miss u dear =)
平安夜希望可以平安眠~
27 Dec
看成绩之前有点强作镇定的味道。呵呵。
QM真的是A。有点吓到，这个在final过后让我如此郁闷甚至两夜睡不好的module竟然给了我这个结果。不过还是想说，其实可以更好的。
EM的结果合理。考虑到两个CA的排名。Final应该pull up了一些。要怪学期开始时的轻敌。
Experimental不够意思。怎么就多一个minus 呢！我没觉得我哪里出岔子了阿。
Genetics惜败。记录没法保持了。
Painting这个USP module延续了我的一贯传统。加强了我的‘泛’，仅此而已。成绩放一边吧，学得还是挺有意思的。
Foundations of Engineering不拿A我也不用混了。所以也没什么可说的。
总之，揭晓后这是一个没什么可说的成绩。惊喜失望都有但都只有那么一点点，而且好像还互相填补了，给出一条没什么波动的直线。CAP跟我自己一样，在原地踏步。
昨天唱了一天的that’s how you know。
How does she know that you love her?
How do you show her you love her?
…
Well does he leave a little note to tell you you are on his mind?
Give you yellow flowers when the sky is grey-ey~~
He’ll find his own way to show you
A little bit everyday~~~~
That’s how you know
That’s how you know
He’s your love…
一个人在家，索性放开嗓子唱。唱好多歌。大喜，大悲，唱甜美，唱可爱，唱伤怀。唱它个稀里哗啦。
我很喜欢唱歌。我应该喜欢去唱K的。但我不喜欢去KTV。
包厢里的人会很多，但没有一个人会认真听另外一个人的歌，唱歌的心情。大家一门心思的自己唱。没有感情地发出完美的声音。然后在别人唱的时候充耳不闻的吼着交谈，打闹，大笑，选歌，催台上的人快点唱完。最后开始每首歌唱一段然后跳！唱一段然后跳！唱一段然后跳！
是我对场地概念的理解错误。KTV本来就不是个演出或看演出的地方。它是给人简单地用声音发泄的。没有义务有什么美感。
28 Dec
转的。
说好永远的，不知怎么就散了。最后自己想来想去竟然也搞不清当初是什么原因分开彼此的。然后，你忽然醒悟，感情原来是这么脆弱的。经得起风雨，却经不起平凡；风雨同船，天晴便各自散了。也许只是赌气，也许只是因为小小的事。幻想着和好的甜蜜，或重逢时的拥抱，那个时候会是边流泪边捶打对方，还傻笑着。该是多美的画面。
没想到的是，一别竟是一辈子了。
于是，各有各的生活，各自爱着别的人。曾经相爱，现在已互不相干。
即使在同一个小小的城市，也不曾再相逢。某一天某一刻，走在同一条街，也看不见对方。先是感叹，后来是无奈。
也许你很幸福，因为找到另一个适合自己的人。
也许你不幸福，因为可能你这一生就只有那个人真正用心在你身上。
很久很久，没有对方的消息，也不再想起这个人，也是不想再想起,不愿再想起。
人总得学会遗忘，要不只能自我伤害
==
看到成千上万的人生活的艰辛，心里痛骂自己的矫情和身在福中不知福。
回到自己的世界，又无法抑制的为感情阿分数阿这些破事伤怀。
然后在又看到别人的艰辛时痛骂自己到底有什么资格讲那些无关紧要的话。
或许这两者本来就不能相提并论。
只是决定以后每天尽量多吃点那个摊子的羊肉串。
1 Jan 2008
新年快乐。
去年的最后一天还是有开心的部分的。又见到了兔子，丁玮，金和尚，还有老公王欣悦。再加上大Q，李奕璋，大脸，还有不少见面的王鹏夫妇跟小毕。更开心的是我们并非没有话讲，因为大家都彻底地没有变。
‘杀人’正酣时依依惜别。
之后去的郝叔叔的地盘。
那球场，那顿饭，那歌舞厅。那叫一个奢华。
越来越有反感的情绪，当上菜的服务员手脚麻利地撤下还装着半盘食物的盘子，当饭桌上烟雾肆无忌惮地弥漫，当他们唱歌的声音湖对岸都能听见，不用说2楼的客房。
还有，当老妈告诉我他的办公室有100多平方还有浴室卧房，电脑是最好的配置但是只有两个文件夹的几张照片。
I think I shall quote what I wrote to junzhe in todays email.
“then went for dinner, also with my father's friends. the place is luxurious, and the dishes too. the worst is, the waitress didnt wait until each dish plate is empty before she took away the plate. and also when she took away our plates. that's such a lot of wastage!! and no one protested. no one even attempted to eat faster and try to finish any dish also. except me. i just kept eating eating eating, cos i really dun want to waste food!!
seriously i felt very uncomfortable. yes they are rich, but their affluence makes them looks like 暴发户 rather than being really in a more civilised class. if i knew the 饭局 would be like this i wouldnt have come. but since i came i must eat more so that less is wasted.
o shit i hv such a lot to 感慨 about this luxurious place where we played table tennis and eat dinner and then sang KTV. it is v big, u have to drive to get around. where does the money come from?? why everything need to be so high class when it doesnt need to be so cos haa no one knows exactly how to use it? why the money cannot be put in ways better than showing off?”
and the funny thing is they kept talking about health, healthy diet, should take care of health more than work blah blah blah. Well, u all just have to drive less and walk or cycle more, eat less abalone, smoke and drink less. And I really dun think u all got work a lot. All those people who did the work and really get tired helping u earn money don’t get to enjoy what u r enjoying now.
还好，我没跟这帮人一起跨过新的一年。
相对而言，我老爸老妈真顺眼阿~~ 亲亲。
1 January 2008
为什么？？
为什么？
为什么我跟谁在一块儿谁就从此不上线了？
为什么我不跟谁在一块儿谁就上线上得那叫一个勤？
我是不是太好说话了？
告诉你们吧，其实我心眼儿特小特小特小！！！我介意，非常介意！！我就是想撒娇，想使小性子，想若即若离，想欲擒故纵，想爱情三十六计，怎么着了吧！
发泄完了。
一切照旧。
为什么新年第一天是这种帖子……
郁闷。
Ok I’m going to follow what it is.
I’m not going to pretend oh my god I love you so much like even more than u do.
Cos it is simply not true.
Why I always have to show my ‘greatness’ or something like that?
I dun understand, I’m not considerate, I’m not going to do everything just for your one smile; I love to create trouble, I love to add pressure, I love to make ur life harder!
Or, unfortunately, that’s my nature.
My nature makes me suffer, especially in relationships. Ha. Cant believe those words come from my mouth. I’ve been long thinking those were virtues and I was so proud of being an understanding, considerate, supportive girl.
Enough.
Wtf. I just feel like posting things. Bad things. Bad bad things. The darkest side of me. Like shouting. Vulgarities.
I think I will work harder on my Swedish.
Until one day I can post entries which no one understands. People get insulted when they hear my vulgarities, right? Although they cannot take away my freedom of speech.
6 January 2008
一不小心就空了几天没写了。
2号心血来潮设计了一个YEP的logo。原来只是在笔记本上随便涂涂，后来第二次心血来潮找了张白纸正儿八经地画了个颇正式的，还上色了。第二天严肃地扫描了寄给trixie和charlie。结果，竟然，没想到，被赏识了~ 奸笑一个。
导致的结果就是—我不要读物理了！我要读建筑！！！
于事无补地吼叫一下。
3号一个人回了金陵一趟。犹豫了一下还是没叫其他人。为了进门打电话给翁德强，看不出阿这小子也升迁教学部主任了。在楼梯口遇到了还雨爸爸陈老师。然后进了王守明办公室。聊天之间老翁竟然在他上课时间打电话来问我要不要去看他们班一个跟我长得很像的学生=,= 总之，这两个人是越来越幽默了，幽默到一种不知道是玩笑还是讽刺的地步。尤其是王守明。唉，可能我自己心里有鬼吧。
袁老师退了，估计宋老师也是。也去看了下戴建良。这个就稍微生疏些了。两个人坐着谦恭有礼地扯了半天。
离开这个曾经对我来说多么重要的地方六年多了。新鲜血液已经换了一轮，连初中部都没了。只有紫藤长廊还在。科学馆还在。留着我那时的样子。
对了，给我的laptop买了件像样的衣服 ^^ 个人很喜欢。能在南京看到真难得。
4号，跟老爸妈妈和菲姐姐去南大打球。开始妈跟菲姐没来，我就跟老爸和一帮老头子打篮球。进了几个，手感还是不行。关键是我根本不敢跑，鞋底不是一般的滑，想往前跑倒往后退，搞得别人还以为我水平太差。差是差，不过还没到太差吧。不过我也承认，打比赛我确实不行。没心理素质没经验。
后来就打羽毛球。挺爽的。不过累得我，跑着还得惦记着刹车。主要是手上爽。扇啊扇阿！
然后，第一次骑车带人之后，去老地方吃酸菜鱼。天哪。享受……
之后发生的事情比较惨。
现在没那么郁闷了，主要昨天去修了一下。
我决定再把头发按原型剪短一点好多留点长的余地。图省事就没再去上次去的那家，直接去了老地方附近的。
人都说engineering disaster都是一系列巧合造成的。
我决定再剪一点
+ 我决定在那个小破店剪
+ 在发现我熟悉的那个人已经不在店里的时候我没有出来
+ 我有妈妈和菲姐二人陪同
+ 此二人都是坚信自己对我的理解能力及喜欢表达自己观点的主儿
+ 理发小伙子比较。。。平庸
+ 我高度近视，剪的时候没法监视
+ 理发小伙子按我的要求剪了之后我没有及时喊停
+ 而是听了妈妈的话叫他再剪多一点
=。。。
后面像刷子一样的二大毛。
非常非常郁闷。。。
因为他剪掉的是我21年来最满意的头发！！！
最满意的发型。。。现在好了，也成了最短命的发型。
而且，取而代之的是谁看了都不能不说丑的头发。
真的。剪完了我妈连安慰我的假话都说不出来。
真的是不能看。所以昨天去了之前去的那家修理。
现在还好一点。
昨天搞了条裙子穿。第一条冬裙=.= 还行。配我那第一双靴子。
然后去了二姨家，终于看到了叶珊姐姐结婚的录像，照片，还有王‘子弹’的照片啊哈哈哈。子弹果然巨大。那脸就是一屁股。
婚礼的录像制作的相当不错，跟电影似的。看了这种东西免不了为自己未来的设想一番。我的嘛。。。最好能唯美一点，有点创意，比较难忘，坚决不要花很多钱，越自然越好。。。拉回现实。
最近被module的planning弄到很烦。很多顾虑，很多疑虑，很多email，很慢的网速，很少的回复。
SEP, USP, Biophysics minor, 都去死吧！！！！！
叹一口气。真的很烦。
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