@.@

firstly, let me declare today as special because...

we were actually back to room and finished bathing before it goes to the next day!

LOL.

====

and today when i was bathing i suddenly thought through something.

朋友。还是做朋友。

不管我是否喜欢，这样都比较好吧。

难得的谈得来的好朋友，希望可以长久。恩。

不想像跟扬一样的结局。像跟小雨一样的细水长流多好。

恋爱的感觉或许诱人，但它也算是一个碰不得的死穴吧，至少对于我这种不愿失去生命中每一个值得珍惜的朋友的人。想想，跟戴天，小雨，egg，狼这些男性朋友的关系多好。辛月和奕璋，算是踩进了雷区的边缘吧，都曾郁闷得差点剪断所有联系。扬，不用多说了吧。

尤其是在1年后他会离开两年的情况下。对朋友的思念是比较不会淡去的那种，不是么？

一定要那么想的话，就当一个考验，或者说测试吧。3年之后会是怎样，就到那时顺其自然，好不好？=)

enjoy the time being single~ when we can still have plenty of time with a big circle of close friends =D dun prison ourselves into the two-ppl's world so fast mah...rite? LOL

NO TIME FOR BOYS! YEAH!

hope i can keep the above thoughts for long...haa

===

btw. today, model main body DONE! yay~~

i love my 小白! haha

回来

快点回来吧，有一点想看你的脸 =)

very tired day. partly because of the late sleep last nite, resulted from some stupid reasons, and partly the modelling work. didn't eat much. installed 40 pillars, and really worry about their endurance of tension. but anw.

met colin on msn in the afternoon. chatting with him somehow makes my mood better.

we are just perfect friends. why do u love me and tell me u love me?

just now when i was back in my bad mood, and had nothing to do (the only thing i wanted to do is the present. but i cant cos no space. and got too many ppl watching). wanted to find some close friends to talk to. shin v tired, ball not online. thought of u, quite badly.

but i cant talk to you, cos u are no longer in the position that can listen to me over things about him. about yang. rite?

it hurts u. and makes me uncomfortable also, cos it's like i'm making use of ur love or playing with ur love. which is extremely unfair.

wanted to tell u the first sentense at the beginning of this entry. but still, i refrained myself from typing it out on msn. still feel the urge to write it down somewhere, so i put it here, where u cant see. try not to be scandulous, when i hvnt giv u any positive answer.

we stepped out of the friend zone at the moment when i understand ur love is sincere. and irriversibly. now i'm left alone to make up my mind for this important thing, having to differetiate between some forever confusing things, and trying to follow my heart, which i dunno where it is, and at the same time trying not to hurt anyone that might get involved in this matter.

shit.

miss u, friend.

this day...

kept thinking... about some.

good that lately i have to do the model. can think less.

wat's the point anyway? i have made the decision.

gone. he won't be mine. maybe he never was.

he is just a shy kid, who i kno will be on a different track with me.

so many things i dun like about him, so many complains i can make about this relationship. i know it won't have a 'happy' ending. it won't. it won't. it won't.

maybe the only i cant let go until now is the feeling.

how he caught my attention without doing anything especially for me to see.

how comfortable i find his voice is, his way of talking, walking, moving about is.

yes, yes, i have criteria and expectations for my mr. right. and he violates almost all of them.

how perfect it will be if it's HIM who meets all of them...


these are precisely all the stupid and meaningless psychology description i used to laugh at in those lousy cheap love serials... wat can i do now? laugh at myself and give myself a punch.

this will be the last time that this date mean something to me.

= happy 3rd anniversary...

or will u be happier if u forget it's our anniversary =

dreamt again...

looks like i dream more often le...

dreamt of national stadium last nite =.= =.=.... it was been torn down, can see workers hammering off the concretes and bricks. then i remembered i saw the cauldron from the back of stadium, where there is a water cooler. i also saw some human shaped board without heads, like those for tourists to take photos of themselves fitting their heads in...

cool.

我真的中毒了。

from 16 hours daily on stadium model...

finally!...

finally it comes!

... although there will be pain, bad mood, and a lot of troubles coming together with it, i still appreciate the fact that it finally comes, after a good count of 54 days...

time to take care of myself?

i try la. can only try, considering the fact that i have been working for float on the model from 9am to 1am next day for the past 3 days.

拥抱

能够被拥抱，真的是一件很幸福的事情。

tired

very tired today...

just came back not long ago. just bathed, and now gg to slp.

weird. never feel such tiredness these few days.maybe it's from the pasting of hundreds over 1*5mm staircases on the model. or the discussion.or some other things.

with a not so good mood also...

anwz


really really tired... without a single bit of strength...

what is that supposed to be?

last nite, i once again slpt on the same bed with a GUY.

Kane fled to our room with his pillow, and slpt between me and ellen on the king size bed made up by two single beds.

and the day before, engseng slpt in our room on this bed.

and a few days ago, ellen went to her aunt's house. i fled to kane's room and slpt on the same bed with him and ah kok.

not forgetting that vodka nite, when five of us, shin, engseng, ellen, kane and me fell unconscious in our room on the same bed.

==

for those who know, u can see the problem here. rite?

not that i mind. just that... is that a couple supposed to be?

or i shouldnt use the phrase 'supposed to'. =S

anw...

i understand them perfectly. the feeling of having the loved one to hug u to sleep is so sweet and unresistable. and it is the most wonderful thing that the first thing u see when u open ur eyes in the morning is the lovely face of ur guy/ ur gal.

and i know they won't cross the line. well, at least for the time being.

so actually i'm quite glad to give up my bed to them, although i will suan them whenever i can =P

but somehow... still feel weird. is it becos it's too fast? erm...

a bit worried. the feeling is seductive, but it can reach a climax fast also... then be gone fast as well...

dunno. if i just put myself in their shoes, i will surely hope my friend can give me chance to be alone with my guy one. so i cant apply a different standard on other people.

but... aiyohhhhhhh

grr.

finally! start doing the actual model!

after so many times of trial and error, so many times of testing different materials and approaches, we finally embarked on the actual model building this morning!!

strictly speaking, we started last week, if taking into account all the calculation and measurement work for planning.

so what we did today was to go to archi lab and cut the boards with different shapes. freezed in the lab for 3+hrs, after many times of trial and error (again) and mistakes, we managed to get some products. after we went back, we couldnt wait but to start building with the cut boards...

it was nice! =D

dun want our competitors to see my blog and get to know what we are doing, so i shall not say anything more here. want to know more? come to Rag Day 2007 and cheer for KE7's float! its gonna be awesome XD. 11 Aug 2007, evening, at Padang near city hall MRT. Cya all!!


another thing that is nice is the feeling that time runs fast when i was working on hands-on stuff... yup =)

=专心漂浮=

did this

yes i did this stupid childish thing.

its true that i really want to share something with people around me, things that are interesting and happy. but other things, i'm still not used to expose them fully to many people.

it seems getting out of control. so... sorry.

wish to stop ppl from perceiving this act as a ranking or prioritising of my friends. i dun mean this at all.

late le.

=====

I hate the way you talk to me,
And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car,
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
Even worse when you make me cry
I hate it when you're not around,
And the fact that you didn't call
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you,
Not even close
Not even a little bit
Not even at all.

= 10 things i hate about you=

better dayz... =)

since we have decided on doing a model, days look much better now... maybe it's not the major reason, but who cares XD

bcos bcos bcos, for static rite, most of our job is brain labour, so we were like trying to squeeze out our brain juice to link our float with the concept, think about how to present the float in a static state without all the special effects and changes of scenes, how to psycho the judges to gove more pts etc etc... which may sound simple, but actually NOT. i'd rather do some hands-on things, which have some concrete final product, rather than having endless brainstorming ALL THE TIME, think of ideas, quarrel over ideas, vote, persuade people who dun agree, idea rejected, everything not finalised until the rag day itself.

the saddest thing is that quite a number of people still DUNNO what static does! honestly it feels bad, cos when people come to me and ask "你们static到底是干嘛的阿??", i feel like other people see us like doing nothing down here, cos they see us as always facing laptop, or talking among ourselves, or going insult other people, blah blah blah. maybe not that extreme, but something like that. but but but, its only my feeling, i kno people may not think in that way =) and thank ppl who asked, at least u all still bother to ask =,=b

so when we can finally start on doing the model, we can finally do something that gives us a concrete product. plus, we can really show other people WE ARE WORKING~ although we have always been working..

lol

today we static team went to the stadium tour, had a really good look at the 'grand old dame'. quite confident that we can do a nice and precise model of the stadium. dun play play k, we even went count the no. of pillars XD. then we went plaza singapura and orchard to buy materials. had a fun time there! maybe bcos i drank a cup of starbucks ice latte (heavenly feeling~ got quite high as a result XD). haha. any material we saw we also could laugh at it. beads, clay, mosses, styrofoam, sand paper etc. etc. ... LOL. then at orchard when we were looking around for materials, we entred this store selling toys. saw a lot of wooden toys i used to play when i was young! like the animal-shaped trolly thingy, when u drag it will move with mouth open close, or shake their heads, or move the bodies... and also other wooden toys, cute and childish... we three were like 返老还童 at that time! and we have to keep reminding ourselves that 我们已经长大了~ to prevent us from being overjoyed. major LOL

one not-so-good thing. we walked A LOT today. walked from hall to buona vista flyover to take bus 14, then the 2 hours stadium tour (climb up and down...), took but from stadium to ps, but 1+ hours walking in the huge Spotlight store, then walk from ps to ngee ann city... 2+ hours walking in there, then... since we couldnt find the right bustop on the on-way orchard road, we walked towards a wrong direction for about 5mins, then have to walk back when we realised we were not heading to any bustop...

anw

stil happy. for the time being =)

o yesterday, i mean wednesday nite, i had a dream again! i remembered it when i just woke up on thursday morning, but now i can hardly recall anything... =S but... i think it was a happy dream also =D

congrats to YY, for finishing his studies in NUS... miss u quite a bit, muz come back frequently before i meet u in MOE k? lol

and congrats to colin too, for being the 2nd person in history to be admitted in ISE while still in the double degree programme! =D

飘走~

fantastic...

check these.

they are models.

MODELS!!!

omg.

祝福

finally. one asked, one answered.

暧昧告一段落。good or bad? actually i dunno.

maybe the 暧昧 period is the sweetest and happiest period. after 捅破窗户纸, things start becoming down to earth, and love starts mixing with responsibility inevitably.

well, i choose to take that as a test to both people in this couple.

3am today, i directed a 赶人的故事, mercilessly kicked somebody out from our room. dun blame me ok, i really hope u two can last long, so i hope u control a bit at the start.

to shin: congratulations. love whole-heartedly, dun doubt him or urself easily, but at the same time try to protect urself a bit. however, dun be afraid of getting hurt. love has a price.

to seng: congratulations, u've got a wonderful gf. love her with all ur heart, protect her and stand beside her as a man.

=====

希望你能当我宝贝
你一定不会后悔
我只有一个要求
就是要对你好
永远不让你流泪
永远都不让你心碎
希望你相信我
我们在一起好吗

=)

some pic i took at home =)

hmm... looks like some messy plant huh...

it's... ... ... ... POTATO!
yes! we plant potato on our balcony! my almighty mom!!

mom loves flowers. she always buy v cheap flowers, then cut and tidy them up, arrange them really nicely.

康乃馨~ i think all these cost... 3 rmb?

simple but amazing flower. 栀子花. yes, it is the one. super strong but very 清新 fragrance.

I love this! 黄玫瑰 and 紫边康乃馨~ soooo pretty....

seldom buy cherry in S'pore, bcos they r simply too ex. so i ate a lot at home...

among all the cherries my dad bought, there are 3 with this weird shape~ i personally maintain that it looks like 屁股~ lol. and there r 3 屁股s, just nice for mom, dad and me! ROFL

i showed the picture above to my mom, she said 没有拍出屁股的感觉 =,=b so i re-took~

ok ok no more joke. this is the standard ones. so cute and pretty =D


o, must mention our daily morning excercises...

omg! my mommy's 韧带 really flexible man!

our family~ can u see my dad is trying to show muscle? major LOL

ok on the last day home, the breakfast before i went to the airport, there was llllllllllllllots of good food...........

特写~

银耳雪梨~ very thick and sweet!...

珍珠肉丸~ minced pork coated with glutinous rice.. i know how to cook this also. nice in terms of both look and taste!!

酒酿鸡蛋元宵！arhhh cant stand it. my favourate dessert!!!! the 酒酿 is not the packed one bought in supermarket some more. it was bought from hawker on the street! soooo 难得！！！the supermarket ones are all so plain and tasteless...

i'm drooling ='(

i said those words. i have to keep what i have said.

i fight with myself everyday. i stone whenever i can. whenever i'm not working for float, my brain is completely messy with all these rubbish. for many times i have the urge of telling u everything, taking u in the way i want, but at last i have to hold all back. its not a good experience. at all. but sorry, i still choose to believe that to simply follow my heart is an act of 任性, selfishness and irresponsibility.

dun want to hurt anyone, including myself, any more. i shall wait. patience is a virtue.

===

have to write this out, cos otherwise i might over-suppress myself to death. to my readers, please dun simply conclude what i mean. it may not be in the way u think. this entry is for myself to understand only. yup.

sorry if i sound offensive.

you are great

you said it is great to have someone to love. and u said in that sense u r great.

yes u are, indeed.

u actually believe firmly that u love someone. it is love, not like, not anything else. how did u achieve that?

and u love her even if she is not what u expected. u love her even if she nv give u a definite answer, or rejected u.

ur heart is so big, with so little hesitation.

i envy u.

i've got potential

the nite before last nite shin, seng, kane, ellen and me had a vodka nite. i realise i really have the potential of being a 酒国英雄... really, no joke!

come to think of it, i love 酒心巧克力 more than any other chocolates ever since i tasted my first chocolate. and 酒酿 is always one of my favourate food. so haha, its not surprising at all.

bought a bottle of 40% vodka absolute from the airport when i came back to singapore, cos it's a waste not to buy some duty-free alcohol drink when u passby the airport. had a little bit with colin for farewell before he went to france, then the rest, which is about 0.8 liter, we finished it within one nite!

it was the first time i experience a likely 醉酒. disclaimer first, i was not 借酒消愁ing, like in some 三流爱情连续剧 ok. i was just curious, what it would be like if i drink a bit more. at first i still took the trouble of mixing vodka with sprite. after awhile i lazy already, just drink pure vodka. kane taught me how to drink in 'shots': pour a bit into cup, then pour it into ur throat without letting it stop in ur mouth. then exhale with ur nose. woah... i must have drank over 10 shots...

so in the end i could tell i started to be a bit shaky. and i had quite some difficulty in holding the bottle steadily when i pour vodka, also couldn't really walk in a straight line. head was very heavy, had some tendency of falling down all the time. but i can say my mind was still very clear, and i knew what i was doing. i can still remember wat i did that nite. and i was not really 冲动, and say all the rubbish without controlling myself. i controlled myself well, and didn't tell any secret of myself, perhaps because i dun have secret to tell in the first place. the only only weird thing was that i remembered i cried twice and i hugged shin so that the other 3 ppl couldnt see me crying. i also dunno why. haha.

so in conclusion, 酒精影响了我的神经，但并没有影响精神. those words written in those lousy novels and stories are rubbish.

all the 5 ppl slept in our room for that nite (shin, ellen and me have this room, seng and kane are guys having a room downstairs), cos both seng and kane drank quite a bit and didn't really bother to move back to their room. 5 people on two single beds wow... really v 壮观. i was in the middle, next to shin and ellen. lucky all 5 of us quite slim (LOL), but still very squeezy....

during his sleep, seng had put his arm knowingly or unknowlingly around shin, who slept like a dead pig. seng, dun let her wait for too long k? i know u love her and she loves u. dun keep waiting for the so called 时机, which nobody knows when to come. u two have mutual love. it's precious. go ahead and get it, please.

these few days quite hot. prefer west wing!! that nite also. i woke up once and went out to get some fresh air, with a head still super heavy. 3 hrs after i went back, i woke up again and fled to my chair, cos i could hardly move when two beds are paked with 5 ppl. i slept for the rest of 1 hour on the chair =,=

enjoy drinking that time. maybe i still drank too little.

=========================

float started on 1 June. today had quite a productive meeting. i like the feeling of keeping myself busy. and btw, to that person in france, enjoy k, and be careful, dun get cheated by ppl. euros are expensive ;)

you

i tot it was simple and straightforward, at most a bit troublesome or guilty in expressing it.

now i start doubting myself AGAIN.

can i just dun always think too much and just do what a gal is supposed to do?
CANNOT.

that's my problem. hurt him. hurt her. hurt myself. hurt everyone.

and i'm still acting like a hypocrite, saying with crocodile's tears that 'oh no i dun want to hurt anyone!'

wat a freakingly terrible person i am.

hope my decision to this thing is correct. or rather non-disastrous. although i have a feeling that it is gonna be the opposite way.

wat on earth do u want, woman