原来生日也不是那么容易过好的…… >.<

decided to celebrate yang's bthdae last saturday...coz he's in his stupid camp on his actual bdae which is e cming tuesday +_+... haiz... its a 大日子 leh. i started preparing for it quite long ago le, althou mostly in mind only, nv put into practice =P. i wanted to rush finish the big present (which i wanted to give him on Valentine's dae -_-!!! 狂汗……) bt once mre, i couldnt...ha ha ha...-_-b... so i decided to go ps n buy material 2 make a bthday cake for yang on friday aft my schl end^ ^. BT! when i reached schl in e morng i realised tt i nv bring my wallet... so i hd to rush back aft phy s paper n went out again...
spent quite sme time to find the location of ps... 实在辜负呆呆和姥姥的教诲... i took the wrong way again...haiz...路盲本性...then i bought really alot of thgs. bt e eggs n cake mix flour were ex at ps... so i made my way to bedok n bought those v NECCESARY thgs at NTUC...
i spent a lot of brain cells tried to think hw i can make his bdae memorable n full of fun. dun want to go NTUC n buy thgs then take mrt back to hm then tts all again!! in my beautiful plan i'm gg to take him directly back to my hostel, then take the cake n wateva food i make him to ecp...then hd our lunch there n eat the bthdae cake...take sme pics...n...erm ok...to 兑现 wat i promised last yr...*^^*...
aft i back to hostel i wanted to do a bit of homewk then go make cake de. coz i tot yang's bking out at smetime ard 1pm, so gt plenty of time. bt yang called me n said he's cming out at ard 8 or 9am...erm...haha...i was happy...bt hah! hv to start making cake le...okay...time's up...gg lecture...i luv school days +_+

sweet ^ ^

hehehe...this is the cake he bougnt me...
so sweet...both the cake n yang ^ ^








I want to make my mood better. So lets toke about our anniversary ^ ^
25th june was a Saturday….so he can book out. Rmb last time wat I wrote on the blog? I was wondering whether I’m feeling mre and mre leng3 dan4 2wards yang. Then on that day when he appears in front of me IN HIS CASUAL CLOTHES n ask for my hand, I was like super happy alr….hahaha…ran over n grab his hand….wah e feeling came back…I can stick to him n hold his arms n put my chin on his shoulder…heehee…so close…I love the feeling of him so much…*^^*
We went for lunch at KFC…hehe…so nice can touch him…even e chicken tasted better…we shared e fries and e salad, felt so sweet…
Aft lunch we went popular cos I wanted to buy a bio MCQ TYS. I chose one but later find it quite useless…qns inside r those I can do bt those I can’t do r nt inside…
Then went ntuc buy e usual stuff. I wish I didn’t buy apple n milk…
Then we went army market at larvender. He bought a lot of things. That doesn’t matter, the thg is tt he nv expect the thgs cost so much, so he nv bring so much money..then he borrowed fr me, bt altogether stil short of $4.5…oops…both wallets empty alr…
So we ran to MRT to lk for ATM then withdraw money, then he ran back 2 make the payment. Aft tt to my surprise he dragged me towards e direction opposite the bustop…there we reached a cake shop…he bought 2 heart shaped cakes for me ^ ^ today juz finished e second one…as sweet as him…
Here e funny thg starts.
We then went the bustop to wait for bus12. That was 6+pm only. When we were reaching there was a 12 reaching the bustop, we tried to catch it bt we failed…then we saw tt a lot of ppl on tt bus, packed like satin…lucky nv board…We toked while waiting, but the strange thg is bus 12 took long to come. We wait until 7pm, yang said he chuang3 huo4 le. Back hm too late. He then called home, his mom told him today gt NDP rehearsal, sme lines r cut…mayb 12 is one of them, juz nw the one was e last 12 of the day maybe…we wait until 730pm. Bcos we were carrying a lot of heavy thgs, yang chose nt to wait bt go mrt, take mrt to bedok and then take 196.
Here we went mrt. Aft we tap the ezlink card n go into the station, the PA system sounded…dear passengers…due to sme technical prob…the train will be delayed for 15mins…
Ok…15 mins still can wait. Bt aft they counted down for 10mins, 5 mins, the announcement goes back to 15 mins…another 15 mins…
We decided to go the other direction, to raffles place then take 196 there. We reached raffles place bt dunno where thw bustop is…aft reading the map…yang said lets try exit A 1st…
We exited thru A n yang managed to find the way to the bustop! We happily walked 2wards there…bt we saw sme army ppl there, telling us that the bustop is closed……..
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……………
The we walk for one mre stop towards the direction the army pple told us. From far away we saw there was 1 3-digit number on the bustop…we prayed hard tt it was 196 while we were getting nearer n nearer…bt…it was 131……..
No choice…n we tried nt to take taxi coz no $$ -_-!!...poor pple like us…so we kp walking… its quite strange tt we kp seeing 196 pass us by, but when we reached another bustop there’s stil no 196. where did they cme from!! This stop gt a lot of buses. I noticed one 197, then quite happy cos 197 can reach my hostel then yang can take 196 fr there. Bt aft checking yang said it is e other direction…ermz… at this time yang suggested tt mayb they change the route of 196 temporarily bcoz of the NDP rehearsal. Mayb it stops here! A little bit of hope…n it really cmes! We were v v happy n waved like crazy…bt e driver juz drove past the stop while lking at us as if he was lking at 2 idiots…
Tts it. We made our final decision aft 20 mins. We took taxi. N e 1st taxi we waved at even ignored us…wth…lucky we managed to stop the 2nd 1…
By the time it dropped us in front of my hostel, it was 9:40pm alr…we took 3 hrs to cme back… ha, ha, ha….

Bt actually hor, I felt quite happy leh…thou yang said “stupid thgs ruin our special day”… e day b4 in the phone I asked yang to accompany me home tml as the anniversary pres since he 4get to bring the actual pres for me.. he said ok de…when we were at the bustop at larvender waiting for no.12, he told me he cant do so bcos too late le…was a bit sad. Bt all e stupid thgs helped him send me hm… n we stayed out late for a quite valid reason, he won’t get scolded and we were 2gether until 9:40pm…hehe. So happy. E only bad thg is tt e thgs we carried were too heavy. N worse still we had to carry our thgs on one hand only cos we wanted to hold hand. So v tired. Bt I dun mind ^ ^ bt I kno yang v v tired…he has been tired for the whole wk. at 1st I was worried abt my revision…cos exam wld start in two days…even took out notes to read at larvender mrt station. Bt later I nv care le. I believe I’ve studied enuf alr. Time 2 relax =) We were holding hands for the whole aftnn n night leh…so nice…^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ o o o o o luv dardar soooooooo much……….
Haha write blog until todae le…actually I started writing this ytdae. Todae I did thorough clean-up of my rm n toilet…so clean nw…everythg so neat… hohoho…劳动最光荣……really gd exercise… hehe

in goooooood mood.......

two v v nice thg happened...one, exam has juz ended this morning...two, i had a really special n, well, nice 1 yr anniversary...heeheehee ^^

as for the exam, hmm i started preparing for it rite aft my SAT...actually i've been mugging for the whole june... sometimes gt v frustrated...like when i set a goal to finish a paper b4 lunch but end up finishing it juz b4 i went 2 bed. n when i found that i nv played full-heartedly for the whole june!! tts damn pityful. i juz wish i can b like pple like yingying lo...can play until so crazy n started preparing so late bt then can finish up fast.
as for the exam papers themselves...i didnt find it v v difficult. mayb i overestimated the hardness of them. bt GP was nt v gd. think i may fail again...e essay nt really answering the question. n one thing i really hate myself is tt i always keep thinking abt my fault until v v yu4 men4...like today. when i was writing my 1st 2 paras of this blog, i said i was in gd mood...its true...bt nw i nt v happy...coz i found tt my chem paper gt one mcq WHICH I HAD DONE B4 N GT IT RITE, i did it wrongly. shit. damn it.
我是那种很在意别人对我的看法的人。这种人往往是最累也是最容易郁闷的。可是古训告诉我们说江山易改本性难移。所以我只能眼睁睁地看别人轻松自在，让那种羡慕肆无忌惮地加深我的郁闷 :'(
tts y i bu4 shuang3...cos i nv reach my expectation, which is i think quite reasonable for myself. i believe i am up to tt level. bt bcos of my stupid mistake, i'm telling OTHER PPLE tt i'm lousy. i wonder when i can overcome this problem.
aft exam i was quite happy...yah...cos i felt tt i did quite well for e chem paper....when i back to hostel n lie on bed i felt i miss yang alot..alotalot...mayb bcos of wu2 liao2...i can even feel the tears in my eyes...(actually there's always tears in any eyes. haha)arghhhh!!!!!!!!!! i want him to hughug me.........5...........n juz nw he called me saying he is NT coming out on saturday..........arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........wat e .....tt made my mood worse......this kind of mood is nt suitable for writing abt the happy anniversary. write nxt time. or at least another blog.

smehow i feel myself is bcming mre n mre desperate le...anw...

记得要忘记

似乎一向偏爱心痛的歌
可能对我来说 心痛的感觉才强烈得称得上感觉
唉，注定的悲剧人物^^
大家看好了，哪天我失恋了我一定尽情折磨自己，尽情享受痛苦
哈哈哈哈

=========

在就要转身前突然又想起你
相遇的那天漾着微笑的你
那个微笑还是很美丽
可惜那个人常常要让人哭泣

太耀眼的城市不适合看星星
就如同你的心不适合谈安定
谢谢你让我伤过心
学会爱情并非执迷
人改变不了改变不了的事情

记得要忘记 忘记
我提醒自己
你已经是人海中的一个背影
长长时光
我应该要有 新的回忆

人无法决定会为谁动心
但至少可以决定放不放弃
我承认我还是会爱着你
但我将永不再触碰这记忆

记得要忘记 忘记
经过我的你
毕竟只是很偶像的那种相遇
不会不容易
我有一辈子 足够用来忘记

我还有一辈子可以用来努力
我一定会忘记你

i'll b away for abt 2 wks...

bcoz of block test...yah
i write here 1st so tt when ppl blame me i can say 'i said alr wat...'
hohoho

没想到我也会有这种感觉

人类体内的荷尔蒙分泌果然是神秘而又作用强大。不知道是哪里死过来的一堆挤成一团的丑陋的叽叽歪歪的粘乎乎的细胞呼啦一下就把这些要命的东西象排污一样丢进我宝贵的血液中。莫名其妙。某人看见了肯定又要说什么S1 sux 之类的破话啥的。我也觉得。了解得这么清楚有个屁用。好歹想个办法控制控制啊？！没法？没法死去。
哦！我知道了。了解得清楚才能发现它是无法控制的。恩~~我真是天才。

人的内心想法和外界影响密不可分，这是真理，好象阿基米德定理一般。但是又不会完全被影响，一部分纯洁的内心想法固执的坚守岗位。我现在很想知道内心和外界的影响各占多少百分比？这样我可能会知道我这个混蛋到底在想什么。
没想到我也会有没感觉的感觉，而且一下就汹涌而来，我挡也挡不住的变成无情人。企图对这个现象进行科学的分析，结果越分析越焦躁，拨他的电话在他的语音信箱里大叫他的全名骂他是混蛋。
也一直在想对他好和纵容，这个分界线到底在哪里。人说爱一个人就是什么都愿意为他做，包括为他改变（当然不包括某些变态的行为——我们的讨论局限于变态中的正常人）；人又说爱一个人就是爱他的全部，原本的他。试想从这两派中各挑一个出来谈恋爱，一个并不是很想改变但是为了显示自己爱他于是逼自己改变，一个倒愿意她变一变但为了显示自己爱她于是逼自己告诉她不要改变。景象果然蔚为壮观。
其实我纵容也无所谓。他不是不会约束自己的人。不过有时候太可爱了一点吧……一次两次可以，多了恕我扛不住。吸着鼻子抽抽嗒嗒的soba soba。让我怀疑我是不是果然变成我女朋友的男朋友。
我还是没有办法如何控诉他的罪行。一则没有什么称的上是‘罪行’可控，二则我已经习惯，或者不如说不习惯控诉，别人看到了会拍案惊奇，有损我在大伙心目中好象早已固定的形象。最多也只会喊全名然后骂混蛋而已。比如说昨天当他迟到了半个小时之后。其实我挺奇怪的他以前上学训练赴朋友约都没迟到过，怎么跟我见面好象就没有不迟到过，而且E(X)=半个小时。是因为我只会说没关系吗。
另外的原因比较龌龊，源于我的色女本性。可能因为扬这几个礼拜都穿制服进出，没什么机会有身体的接触。其他我倒无所谓。其实所有的东西我都以为无所谓，我就抱着胳膊走在他旁边好了。到现在感觉越来越淡，急忙查找不当之处，才发觉我们快一个月没有拉手。不要笑，这是很重要的。其他我倒无所谓。什么抱抱啊亲亲啊。我就是喜欢他拉着我的手。拉着我的手走。然后就会觉得世界没有尽头。没了他的手，短时间觉得伤心，长时间觉得联系断了，没有他也行。
加上很长时间以来我们都是只在周末他进出的时候见上几个小时。他通常累的半死，心情也糟。就想从早工作到晚的丈夫回家直接倒床上睡觉，早上起来直接上班一般。还是觉得上次在图书馆那天是最开心的，因为他的笑好轻松，一点没有烦和累。
我老妈的言论可能也有影响。渐渐觉得我们到底还是两个世界的人。他在新加坡，我不知道在哪里。他不会愿意跟我走，我们的孩子是新加坡人（which我很不愿意……我想让我的孩子有中国国籍然后会至少欣赏古文，说标准的中国话而非新加坡普通话，而且不得说英文多过用中文）。他坚信成了男女朋友就应该永远在一起，搞的这个关系如同夫妻。我不是说男女朋友终会分手，只是不要一直一直要我答应永远不离开你好吗？永远……太遥远。
昨天我跟他说对我好一点，再好一点。让我觉得没有你是不行的。我不知道他知道“好”是什么好法吗？毕竟他还是笨笨的。送他的书他没有看而一直在看漫画。从不会花一点心思看看我的blog，还说我可以直接跟他说。是没有经验么？看起来不怎么了解恋人要什么嘛，除了嘴上说的我爱你好想你蛋蛋蛋蛋以外。
当然他还是有许多好的。比‘坏’多。太多了，懒得写。
或许下个礼拜他能穿着外面的衣服出来，重新牵起我的手，不知道那时侯感觉会不会回来一些。


btw these two wksnth much,only study...did 20+ past yr papers in 2 weeks. nt fast, cos alot of qn no need to do. this wk start lking thru notes n tutorials. nxt wk gg to battle. only funny thg is everyday lame wif ball in study rm, which is still filled with inconsiderate ppl. n last time they went for the prom nite of hanwei n yubin's company. ball really pretty in tt look leh. nt bad. hmm nth much.

juz finished my 1st SAT...

yah...as the title suggested...
the two wks or so b4 last sat was really bz...actually cant say bz, its like everyday one purpose only... then its like 4get abt time already. started practising n memorising e word list at abt one wk b4 schl end...i tink when i wrote my last blog i'v alr started sme form of revision. haha. in fact its as impt as e A levels if nt mre...bt i only spend 2 wks mugging on tt...isit bcoz i too lazy to start early, kind of dilatory(haha 1 of e new words i learn)...or its really useless mugging...coz my standard is there alr...
hmm wateva...i hv to admit tt its useful memorising word list...if i nv studied tt, i cld hv died... during e test i saw a lot of words i nv knew b4 i studied e word list. so i'm still thankful.
on e dae...i shld say i didnt do v well. esp e essay, i juz wrote a opening n 1 mre paragraph. 20min is shorter than i expected. smetimes didnt kno wat i was reading. gt 1 section nv finish. in a word it is worse than any practice test i did... n i tink its a bit hard for me to hit 2000. anw.
sat aft e test i wandered ard on e street for a while. a bit lost, cos suddenly nth 2 do. i find myself quite 难伺候...when hv 2 study feel v stressed n frustrated, when nth 2 do then feel v bored n meaningless...haiz...dunno wat can make me feel e best...when i was in the lift up tp my rm i was thinking...wat if i initiate a project, do sme research on sme kind of 'optimum' condition for a gd mood...external environment...hormone secretion...individual cases...hmm sound intriguing...
on fri, tt was e dae b4 my SAT...went out with yang, went mp lib 2 study. tt was e happiest dae i had with yang...really...mayb its bcos he was by my side, n i can feel him 4 e whole aftnn..i find tt i prefer this rather than a tight hug last for a few seconds...he was also v relaxed...unlike when i go 'buy thgs' with him, he s always rushing n worrying abt his army stuff...his smile really really charming. v v v v v nice to look at. lucky no1 else hs discovered yet...haha
he gt back on wed...i waited for him at pasir ris for 1+hr, then he aked me 2 go tampines 2 cont waiting...was abit unhappy...wah lau my SAT on saturday leh...waste my time like tt...when he appeared in front of me n told me he stil hv 2 go buy thgs n asked me 2 wait again i cldnt help bt said "faster la" with an angry tone...bt e nxt second i started to try suppressing my anger...he lked so tired..n he carried such big bags, each one almost as big as he himself..n damn heavy...i sent a msg telling him 2 take his time to buy thgs, i can wait. i kno he juz marched 32km. when he's back i toked 2 him happily... n helped him carry one of the bags. i shld say v heavy...bt within my capacity. bt cant imagine wat if i hv 2 carry one mre which is even heavier...poor yang. he fell aslp on the bus...n drooled =P yang...555...dun b upset abt ur posting k? its nth, really...juz bear with it for a few months...anw it cant b changed, no point angry with it...k? hug hug... dan always on ur side =D ^^