when can i be

星期天做完家教，明明就要倒了，却临时决定要去逛逛。

现在的我应该会说……去走。呵呵，都是马来西亚人害的。

很久没有去逛街，更久没有一个人去逛街。其实本来也就不太能够理解花钱以及走路的结合有何乐趣，更何况我并不打算在搬家前夕加重自己的家当。

奇怪。突然想去走走。可能是因为想散步又想吹空调吧。哈哈。

baleno减价，正好缺一件外套，进去弄了件。试衣间里看到镜子里的自己，换了眼镜换了发型，感觉有点陌生。好久没认真照照镜子了。

boon lay 的 kopitiam，又叫了炒虾面。你就知道，对吧？

不知道是什么日子，mrt里车站里好多阿兵哥。一样的发型，一样的眼镜，一样的行头。不可能不想，毕竟是我们的两年。

在buona vista 的车站等车，极其幼稚地在恍惚中看到某人的影子。当然不是他。used to be而已。

不能不能这样哦阿蛋。再怎么着你也被球夸过不是。你飞扬着呢，过去的就统统让它们滚蛋吧！哇哈哈！

by the time when i can be smiling instead of tearing when thinking about you
and recall our memories
i get over it

falling down...

i'm the london bridge =,=

tot i couldnt go for the soccer match and national stadium closing ceremony 7pm yesterday and the movie after that, because mr. colin is coming back from france to singapore his own room ( i'm holding his key) for 12 hrs. this master tot june has 31 days, so he happily tot that if the air tickets say he would reach singapore 1pm 30 june and leave singapore for china at 1am 1 july, he could stay in singapore for more than 1 whole day =,=

好想拜他

and... he nv on his hp until some time around... 5pm? i was thinking wat happened =,= moral behind the story, nv ever take sri l**ka airline, cos it can delay for 3 times.

so after i sadly sent off my float friends (i really want to go for the match!), he came back. and this master again check the ticket of his flight to china and told me its 10am... instead of 1am =,=

wah*** why cant i go for the stadium then??

and mr colin decided to go as well, since there are 2 extra tickets. so we rush off for that, haha.

it was grand. to watch a soccer match live in a big stadium feels really different. really shiok! so many people, so many cheerings, different styles of cheerings! plus some of us invested some money in supporting one of the two teams, singapore and australia, the match must be more ecxcited and tensed to them =,=

team singapore is better than i expected. some of the players are really skilful with their legs. they created quite a number of chances in scoring a goal by breaking the opponent's defence (that's when ppl all stand up and the cheering got louder and fiercer), but they are a bit sui i think... 3:0, aus won, as people expected.

and i experienced the famous kallang wave for 3 times! hehe

some of us who went =) still got alot ppl not in the pic~

after the match was the closing ceremony for national stadium of singapore. this grand old dame, as many ppl like to call it, is going to be torn down. today it was the last match played in this stadium, and the kallang wave i experienced was the last one as well. sounds quite sad... i'm not a singaporean, so i'm not particularly emotional about this place. but i think the locals should have a lot of fond memories with this place. s'pore ppl like to talk about 'common experience' rite. lol

they invited a lot of athletes and soccer players who have brought s'pore glory when they played in this stadium. and also kit chan. it's a rather simple ceremony, but the lighting effect was superb. one funny thing is that at the start of the ceremony the sound system cocked up a bit... considering it's a national event~ hehe

after the ceremony most of our ppl were gg for a midnite movie at orchard. i didnt plan to go cos i need to get up early to see colin off, so i didnt book ticket online with them. but again, our mr. colin says he wants to go =,= =,=... ok lo then, since the one who is gg to travel dun want to sleep. so we bought two more tix and went for 'transformer'!

nice movie! story a bit far-fetched, but still not bad. must watch, and must watch in a nice cinema to get the good sound and visual effects! all the guys who went became obsessed with it after they walk out of the cinema. kane and engseng bought the pvc transformers the next day... =,= o, i like bumblebee the best btw. i supposed to have watched the transformer anime when i was very young, but i forgot everything expect for their chinese translation, which is 变形金刚...

and by the time we back to hall, it was already 4+pm. i brought colin to comm hall and lounge and foyer to have a look at our float. it was at this time when i realised we have done so much! looks like i have focused too much in my own stuff. colin gave very high comments on this yr's float, sort of surprised me because i didnt expect such high comments, and give me some confidence. u kno maybe because we are the ones who are doing this, i'm too used to picking up on thing we have done. so... maybe we did better than i think. good.

then bathe. hungry, so ate cup noodle. chitchat with colin and his friend for a while. by the time i slpt, it was 6+am. and... engseng was still in my room =,= =,= =,=

got up at 7:40am to see colin off. back at abt 11am, slp again until 1pm. then... ate lunch and go for tuition... my tuitee suddenly want to change it from 3pm to 4:30pm when i was about to board the bus! grrr. i slacked a bit until 3:45pm, but missed the a2. decided to walk behind pgp to take 30, but didnt kno it was so far away... since it was my 1st time taking this route and given the fact that i was still dreaming, i stood in the bustop on the wrong side and waved in vain to the bus on the other side of the road =,= =,= missed one bus as a result, and waited for 20 mins for the next one...

tuition. suddenly decided to go boon lay to have a walk alone after that. alone.

so yah, collapsing. falling down.

@.@

firstly, let me declare today as special because...

we were actually back to room and finished bathing before it goes to the next day!

LOL.

====

and today when i was bathing i suddenly thought through something.

朋友。还是做朋友。

不管我是否喜欢，这样都比较好吧。

难得的谈得来的好朋友，希望可以长久。恩。

不想像跟扬一样的结局。像跟小雨一样的细水长流多好。

恋爱的感觉或许诱人，但它也算是一个碰不得的死穴吧，至少对于我这种不愿失去生命中每一个值得珍惜的朋友的人。想想，跟戴天，小雨，egg，狼这些男性朋友的关系多好。辛月和奕璋，算是踩进了雷区的边缘吧，都曾郁闷得差点剪断所有联系。扬，不用多说了吧。

尤其是在1年后他会离开两年的情况下。对朋友的思念是比较不会淡去的那种，不是么？

一定要那么想的话，就当一个考验，或者说测试吧。3年之后会是怎样，就到那时顺其自然，好不好？=)

enjoy the time being single~ when we can still have plenty of time with a big circle of close friends =D dun prison ourselves into the two-ppl's world so fast mah...rite? LOL

NO TIME FOR BOYS! YEAH!

hope i can keep the above thoughts for long...haa

===

btw. today, model main body DONE! yay~~

i love my 小白! haha

回来

快点回来吧，有一点想看你的脸 =)

very tired day. partly because of the late sleep last nite, resulted from some stupid reasons, and partly the modelling work. didn't eat much. installed 40 pillars, and really worry about their endurance of tension. but anw.

met colin on msn in the afternoon. chatting with him somehow makes my mood better.

we are just perfect friends. why do u love me and tell me u love me?

just now when i was back in my bad mood, and had nothing to do (the only thing i wanted to do is the present. but i cant cos no space. and got too many ppl watching). wanted to find some close friends to talk to. shin v tired, ball not online. thought of u, quite badly.

but i cant talk to you, cos u are no longer in the position that can listen to me over things about him. about yang. rite?

it hurts u. and makes me uncomfortable also, cos it's like i'm making use of ur love or playing with ur love. which is extremely unfair.

wanted to tell u the first sentense at the beginning of this entry. but still, i refrained myself from typing it out on msn. still feel the urge to write it down somewhere, so i put it here, where u cant see. try not to be scandulous, when i hvnt giv u any positive answer.

we stepped out of the friend zone at the moment when i understand ur love is sincere. and irriversibly. now i'm left alone to make up my mind for this important thing, having to differetiate between some forever confusing things, and trying to follow my heart, which i dunno where it is, and at the same time trying not to hurt anyone that might get involved in this matter.

shit.

miss u, friend.

this day...

kept thinking... about some.

good that lately i have to do the model. can think less.

wat's the point anyway? i have made the decision.

gone. he won't be mine. maybe he never was.

he is just a shy kid, who i kno will be on a different track with me.

so many things i dun like about him, so many complains i can make about this relationship. i know it won't have a 'happy' ending. it won't. it won't. it won't.

maybe the only i cant let go until now is the feeling.

how he caught my attention without doing anything especially for me to see.

how comfortable i find his voice is, his way of talking, walking, moving about is.

yes, yes, i have criteria and expectations for my mr. right. and he violates almost all of them.

how perfect it will be if it's HIM who meets all of them...


these are precisely all the stupid and meaningless psychology description i used to laugh at in those lousy cheap love serials... wat can i do now? laugh at myself and give myself a punch.

this will be the last time that this date mean something to me.

= happy 3rd anniversary...

or will u be happier if u forget it's our anniversary =

dreamt again...

looks like i dream more often le...

dreamt of national stadium last nite =.= =.=.... it was been torn down, can see workers hammering off the concretes and bricks. then i remembered i saw the cauldron from the back of stadium, where there is a water cooler. i also saw some human shaped board without heads, like those for tourists to take photos of themselves fitting their heads in...

cool.

我真的中毒了。

from 16 hours daily on stadium model...